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SchrodingersCat, very well explained. You made some damn good points.

So you expected your husband to end it with the other guy because you no longer loved him, or because he was an asshole when he broke up with you? But what if the guy had broken it off with you in a nicer way? Would you still have expected your husband to break it off, as well?

The previous relationship I had no expectations for. It started as a threesome 'just sex' thing. Neither of us either identified as poly then or knew much about it. We just both knew we loved V and still loved each other. The rest of it was fumbling our way around not knowing what the hell we...

I think I understand what you're saying. I don't expect, and don't think Rain does either, for someone to love us both equally as we were wanting last time. We would, ideally, just want them to love as both, as different as that love may be.

I'm wondering what people who have been in triads do when it ends, in some form. The example I'm thinking of specifically is this: A, B and C are all involved and in love, at first. But then C falls out of love with B, and only wants to be with A, but still wants to be friends with B. B still...

I read part of that but not sure I got to that area and Rain will definitely need to read it. And I agree with you. I do think it is unrealistic to expect whoever the person is to love us both equally or even love us both at all. Though ideally it is what we want. Whatever happens down the...

That's what I thought. Threeway sex is what caused the situation I just described. We thought it was only be sex... how wrong we all were.

I understand what you're saying and it makes a lot of sense. I guess the problem with a vee or N is that we'd be concerned about the other one being jealous or insecure. Honestly, something like that already happened to us. The situation I explained at the start of this thread. V fell in love...

Thanks for the clarification there! I wonder why triads don't have much of a success record? I guess it's hard for all three people to stay in love with each other. Annabel, I do get what you're saying, it's still all a bit confusing to me to keep it all in order and remember all the terms. I...

Yes, that would be what I meant :) Wait... I thought a Vee was four people... ? How can four people evolve to three? I'll have to see what a Vee is again, maybe I have it wrong. Years huh? I hope during those years it's not a complete shit fight for some peace and quiet. As in I would hate to...

Female, lesbian, in a ltr with Rain and are looking to open our relationship up to a triad.

Yeah, I'm with Rain on this. It wouldn't make me feel bad, just not comfortable. It's just not me. As was said, we still want some type of monogamy, but in terms of a triad or possible a Vee.

Hi beginninglove, so sorry to hear all your heartache at the moment. My take on Alex is that there is no way she is ever going to accept your poly nature. Not unless she can control every last aspect of it. Would she change in the future? Maybe... but I think some people that are mono cannot...

Glad you talked and are feeling better!

Hi Mekodesu, your story gives me hope! We understand that the relationship will not develop with each of us at the same pace and that we will all connect with each other in different ways. But in the end we would, ideally, like what you described above.

Sorry, I must have misunderstood something in the original post. Just rushing off to work now but I do understand what you're saying now.

Have you sat down and spoken to your partners about how you're feeling left out sometimes? Are there any certain behaviours or ways they act when together that make you feel left out? If there are, talk to them about it. I'm sure others will have more in-depth advice to give!

I think you should sit down with both of them and talk about your feelings on this. Not just with your husband. Ask the third if he has no interest in you. At least then you would know rather than having these doubts that are hurting you. Communication is key. Something I learned the hard way...

Very true. We've never had a real poly relationship before so we just want to make sure we don't make the same mistakes we did ten months ago with our now ex-best friend. I sure as hell wish I'd taken the time and slowed the hell down but was so wrapped up in NRE and the fact none of us really...

nycindie - I found your post very insightful. This is a huge concern of mine when/if my partner and I start to see someone together. I've already expressed that I would not want them feeling like a whore, or like they weren't important and were just getting tossed aside when it suited us. And I...