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It sounds like you're not very high in his list of priorities, and it sounds like that position is not enough for you to consider yourself in a relationship with him. It is pretty irrelevant to you whether his reluctance to spend time with you on evenings is because of his wife or because of...

I come back to this topic, and always come to the same conclusion: there is ultimately a difference in my perspective to that of the question. It feels wrong for me to try to talk about "our boundaries" because I feel that for me boundaries are something that are mine, just like decisions about...

Sorry you're feeling so exhausted. I wonder if your being a hinge between the men, or your being a woman, might have an effect so that you may easily become the one who gets the responsibility of things getting done, like the garden? I also wonder, since it seemed that it used to be that Mono...

Huh? :confused: I really can't understand that kind of behaviour. They don't want to hear about your activities and experiences when they include him but you can talk about things you do with other people, say, platonic friends? Have you talked to your friends about that. If I were in a similar...

I've been totally loving our conversations, as well. <3 I've also liked that we've had such compatible schedules that we've been able to talk really often. :) It feels like being closer. I went to a really amazing event one night, we had a great time. Also, it's been a lovely weather around...

Annabel thank you. I always love your input. BlackUnicorn good insights! I'd say I have a bit of trouble with that same thing you wrote about in the part a. I read your post and did some thinking around that. There are actually some patterns like that with Alec, which I feel have their basis in...

Hi there. It seems to me that you're off to a good start. :) I love the open communication that seems to be happening, and the processing you're doing. Keep at it and there'll be less as time goes on. I'll try to write some thoughts regarding to your questions. (Sorry, I won't quote properly...

Thanks for the links, nycindie, they were interesting! The first time I came across the concept of non-attached love it just felt right to me. Before, I wasn't too far off, but somehow there are these cultural norms of what you're supposed to feel at which situation. I think they come from some...

Oh please tell me you'll give us a picture of that onto your profile :p Work stuff is similarly not great around here, too. Alec finally got a job in the fall, but turns out it's very much less than ideal. He would like to do something else but there's not much around for him... Plaah. :(...

In poly we like to talk about boundaries and needs and wants. I was talking with Mya, and we discovered that the concept of want means different things to us. This is perhaps best explained with an example of being on a diet: I go to the store and there's this chocolate. Initially, I want it...

Oh yeah, abuse preps for more abuse, that's for sure. But knowing how to love somebody despite them constantly hurting and harming you is not really a good thing. It may not be a bad thing either, but that requires very good boundaries. Ones that don't allow the harming. You can love from a...

An excellent reason why you should concentrate on what you want and what is good for you. You know one thing that can in no way be good for you? This: Whatever strength and confidence you have in yourself, this kind of thing is damaging. :( You do know that already, right?

I totally agree with you about the unhealthiness, and Alec did actually point that out to C yesterday (that's what got them talking), and C himself admitted that the relationship and the power dynamic is uneven. The whole thing makes me feel really sad and uneasy. :( Then again, there isn't...

Lovely to read how it is going. It sounds like family to me, in the best of ways. <3

Alec has a friend (let's say C) who is in quite a restrictive relationship. Basically, C's girlfriend dictates what he is and isn't allowed to do (and I'm not talking about things like basic monogamy rules, but as in he can't have a certain hobby and things like that). His interactions with Alec...

I think it must be good to have those specific discussion. One issue with primary/secondary is that those terms seem to be used in different ways by people, so it's good to clarify what exactly is included. One thing that came to mind: what is it that you want? You seem to be writing and...

Our previously planned sleeping schedule (every third night with Alec when Mya is visiting) has, again, broken down the last two times Mya's been here. I feel that it's been for really positive reasons, though. It was never supposed to be set in stone or anything. Last time, Mya was only here...

I agree with you, so I'll rephrase: good practicing! :p

Oh thank god, I must have then misunderstood you (I think from this) I think taking time for the two of you can't be a bad thing to calm things down. :) Though, I think it would be even more important to Vanilla to see that you can take her into account also when Cookie is around and not just...

I'm wondering, how do you actually behave in NRE? Is that true how Vanilla put it, that you spent a lot of time making out with Cookie? I don't think it would really solve anything for you to only see Cookie when Vanilla is unavailable. It only puts off dealing with the issue, whether the issue...