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LOL. I would so do that if I had a religion. So no, my guilt is deep-seated and most likely from my mother. Don't tell her that, she still thinks "she did the best she could with what she had." I find it silly enough, that just allowing myself to feel guilty for a limited amount of time...

^^ This. People will have their own ideas, no matter what. I find what works best for me is to just NOT be secretive. That means not exactly coming, out but just being normal. I mean, it's normal for me to talk about something and say, "Boyfriend watches that show!" or, "Oh yeah, Hubby and I do...

This sounds like a communication issue. Perhaps he didn't understand that you were asking, "What does it mean to you?" Perhaps a good follow up question would have been, "How does your marriage enhance OUR relationship?" A lot of what is said on here, in every situation or posed request for...

I thought I would reply here. I get the difference between being poly and doing poly. I've seen a lot of relationships sort of implode, the person being more 'situational poly' in that there was an existing relationship and then someone else they fell in love with. I have seen that go badly...

Relationships SHOULD enhance your life. So yes, your relationship with him enhances their marriage. Honestly it should. If you enhance his life, then he's happier, that is going to effect those around him, including his marriage. Guess what? It works the other way too. Think about it, when...

I have been reading, but not really posting, as I wasn't sure what I had to offer that hadn't been said already. I am not going to jack the thread with a lot of personal stuff but I will try and say this. Make a plan. I don't care what it is, but you need a plan. I get it, I do. More than...

I see what you are saying in reply to Ice however, I too have seen where the poly person makes decisions for the mono person. Not just in teh example of, "I've fallen in love with someone else and figured out it's okay for me to love more than one person so we are a poly marriage now, you can...

I think it's better stated that it is a temporary situation as the two of them work out what being poly means for Dryad, and what Jayden needs to feel secure in their relationship as they move forward. For me, coming from a background of a poly/mono relationship that was mono at one point, it...

Two things. First, I think in any relationships, mono, poly, open, you need to discuss what definitions mean to you. I've had this discussion with friends before. All these things people just assume about relationships and they assume everyone has the same assumptions! What is cheating...

Right. So my husband and I started on other lists for poly/mono relationships. I'm not on those lists anymore (long story). However, we saw way too often where the mono partner just stopped. It wasn't a gradual thing. They tried, they put in the effort, they really did want it to work. Then...

Okay, I am going to play devil's advocate here. Some married or long-term couples come into poly through not-so-honest means, which means when they decide to try it honestly, there are already trust issues. As the new person in a relationship with one of them, that's totally not your fault. It...

Okay I will admit I have been guilty of this. Growing up it was always my job to take care of others, even the adults in my life. I went without, if that meant without food or clothes or shelter, that's what it meant. It was ingrained in me that if I stood up for my own needs, not even wants...

I just ran this past hubby to see if we were on the same page. Honestly, that's the best part of this forum. When one of us sees a situation like this, we run it past the other to see how we would react. Now I am the poly one. Our polyamorous arrangement started with me cheating. The person...

It sounds like people have answered your question, have given you their reasoning, and have offered advice. Yet you still try and find a reason why it's okay. You're struggling with it. Well gee, get out the martyr card! You feel badly while you do something you know you shouldn't! So at...

Okay, big time red flags there. Understand that while you are frustrated and the two of them aren't behaving ethically or honestly, you trying to destroy the relationship will just make it worse. Simply because then it will be your fault! My suggestions, such as they are, are to fist sit down...

Well first of all welcome to the forums! I do have a few questions but first let me say, honest communication I think is fine. Saying that you aren't comfortable with this, or you don't get along with your metamour, his partner, is fine. Trying to destroy someone else's relationship, is not...

I think the real issue isn't that he's willing to throw away a marriage for her having a friendship with someone, it's that she has already proven she will lie to him, cheat on him and with this person in particular. So SHE has proven that her marriage is not worth getting to be all sneaky...

There is also the idea that many monogamous people with no 'hands on experience' of non monogamy view things. I had a friend that was so relieved to meet me, simply because she and her boyfriend had been in an open relationship, and he cheated. All her friends just rolled their eyes, how can...

I actually had the best V-day ever this year! It's also DH's b-day and so we really don't do stuff much on the actual day. The shortest month of the year has my b-day, DH's b-day, our wedding anniversary, and DC's b-day. Busy month! So we rarely pin down a specific day. Well, DH took two...

Looking at things, I've always been a more descriptive than prescriptive girl. Prescriptive is typically knowing what types of relationships you want and then looking to fill that role. While descriptive is just describing what types of relationships you happen to have right now. I'm married...