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I'm involved with a woman in a poly marriage, the gender-mirror image of what you are doing. ---- She asked if I would be willing to meet her husband. Right from our first date she had told me about his personality, so I had a sense of what to expect (intelligence, charm, generosity). As it...

Those are good suggestions from LR. Another resource is this board; I've only been here a short time but the perspectives offered here are first-rate. Yes, it would be if she were ignoring your needs and letting you suffer alone. But from what I read she is talking to you, trying to work with...

Geez. Let I = issues, B = baggage, and A = attitude... :p

I may be writing out of turn, but your husband's behavior concerns me somewhat. I wish that he had shown deeper understanding of what feelings you might have in response to the new GF. If you were accurate in describing his preoccupation with her, then I would wish that he had instead taken...

Well, geez -- you're telling yourself that you are meeting someone who may share a role you've had by yourself for 14 years: as a lover of your husband! And you're thinking that someone may also be your lover, which is a heck of a charge of significance to carry into a first meeting! And someone...

Honesty and self-honesty are so incredibly important! I'm glad you have that going for you already. In poly terms, I guess the guy and his girlfriend are the primary couple and you are a secondary relationship? I'm in a similar relationship, though in my case polyamory is well-accepted by both...

Finding partners, yes...or finding yourself talking to a really sweet single woman who likes you a lot, and which whom you share virtually every major interest, and knowing that she's hardwired mono. :(

Yeah, I've fantasized about something like that. But even if I can't have it, at least somebody can. So I'm happy for you!

Interesting about "It seems normal....The fact that it feels normal is weirding me out." The first time I went to meet my GF's husband I was thinking, "I'm not even nervous. I ought to be nervous, this is weird." But the whole dinner with the two of them felt completely normal. Why shouldn't...

Loss. There's a great poem* by Charles Bukowski in which he mourns a lost lover. Not all of it fits this situation, but to my mind some of it does: is this how it works? in this room the hours of love still make shadows. when you left you took almost everything. I kneel in the nights...

"... [I] don't deserve it." Call bullshit on that right away. People deserve to find the love they need. You deserve it. Too many of us settle for way too little. Perhaps not expecting too much too fast would be good. It's hard for me to be patient and let things happen but that's the way it...

Like Vandalin, a few things about your situation worry me. Sexual intimacy involves primal emotions. You write that you were a virgin, and unless I am mistaken he is the only man you have had sex with -- your first connection with the extremely powerful feelings that usually come with that...

Good luck! I suppose we need the past in order to know where we stand sometimes. But we don't need the past to rule our emotions, I think. Drop some of the sandbags and go higher.

Wow. I feel for you, man. It sounds like there are two major problems you face. 1. Low self-esteem and possible depression. In my experience those two demons go hand-in-hand. They are crippling for someone facing almost any kind of problem, not just relationship issues. It's great that...

People say a lot of things based on incomplete understanding, I think. This person doesn't understand your love or the true nature of your relationships. If she doesn't understand, of course she thinks and says things that you know aren't true. If it's important, you could ask her to read up...

Well, you're in a hard situation, as you well know. Is there a chance that one or both women would understand your feelings and why you did what you did, if you came clean and spoke honestly? Do you see any viable future in maintaining a dishonest relationship structure? Do you think it would...

Yes...with age comes, mostly, age. Oh, and wrinkles. Last fall I went to a Gogol Bordello concert with a woman half my age (no older people wanted to go -- one woman looked at a GB clip on YouTube and said, "That band is crazy! I'd be more comfortable with Aerosmith.") Anyway, the young woman...

Mmmm, maybe, Schrodinger's. I kind of like the "savory" part of the meat taste, though. So a vegetarian recipe that has that richness is nice. You guys go to epicurious.com/ much?

Maybe anticipating her coming home happy and excited and wanting to share it all with you? :)

The women in my age bracket -- 50s, you guys, 50s -- tend to have the faces of individuals, instead of faces off Breck's hair-products bottles. No offense, young pretty things, but a mature woman can have a face like a cathedral: the architecture is clear and beautiful, there are shadows...