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I think, as others have pointed out, you may be looking for swinging, not poly. That said, even in swinging circles, any man who is actually that good all that and a bag of chips hasn't ever, IMHO, needed his GF/Wife to go out and find him a partner. Those men who are really desirable and "good...

Not that this is an excuse for cheating, but one things you both could have done was not unicorn hunt and pursue only triads. Do a search here on "triads" and "unicorn hunting" to help you understand the issues with this. Your dream of a triad isn't unrealistic because of your age---it's...

It sounds like you think that mono people are never attracted to other people. That isn't at all the case! Most mono people do experience attraction to others when they are in a monogamous relationship, they simply do not desire a relationship configuration that includes more than one of those...

It's important to realize that no amount or type of rules will keep her from feeling that connection with someone if it's there. And, in fact, that connection is part of what most people go into polyamory exactly for. And you are right, it is very special! It's not just sex, it's intimacy, and...

DLF, you came here asking for advice from people more experienced than you. Tinwen and I have both answered your words from that perspective. No one here has any ill will, and generally we all try very hard to understand. What we are answering is your words themselves, such as I've quoted above...

It's actually fairly common for women to have less of a "spontaneous" libido than men, and need a bit more warming up to enjoy sex. None of us can tell you how to please your girlfriends sexually--every woman is different, just as is every man. I've had girlfriends who love oral sex and...

You and she can create whatever boundaries you like, but some--like the "dating with no sex" boundary--are very, very unlikely to work for many reasons: -As Tinwen points out, sexual attraction and romantic attraction often go hand-in-hand. By creating the "no sex" boundary, you're both setting...

Along with GalaGirl's excellent-as-always post, I want to reiterate that you are not a babysitter. If there can't be a way for the two of you to get time alone because childcare isn't an option for whatever reason, this may not be the time for your relationship to be open. He may not want to...

And stop dating couples looking for a triad. Date individuals. If one of those individuals is in a couple that are dating separately, and you eventually meet the meta and all randomly and naturally find yourself attracted to one another, it may work. But otherwise, generally not so much.

My flirting minefield is two-fold: I am really only interested in women. I am bi, but only marginally--I gravitate heavily towards females. And, women flirt with me ALL the time. So, what is the minefield? -It is almost impossible to tell if they're flirting with intent, as mentioned above, or...

I've been involved with couples (one or both members) with veto power who I had zero interest in any kind of escalator with. I was a newbie then. Now, no way. It's not because I think I should have equal standing with a partner who has been there for years, or that I expect or want priority...

Welcome! There's a lot of good information here! Have the two of you read "The Ethical Slut," or "More than Two?" They're great resources! I look forward to reading more from you!

IMHO, anyone considering hunting for a triad should read this. Dating as a couple is difficult, and rarely works out well; but, if you want to go for it, this can at least help with some of the issues that will arise.

It's worth reading this: So, someone called you a unicorn hunter... Unicorns can be men, too. This article is excellent, and should help you realize some of the issues that come up with this kind of dynamic, and gives great ideas for different ways to think about and work with them.

I am glad you are thinking about honesty and ethics, that is a good step! I quoted the above because, all else aside? This is going to be a fucking disaster. Do a search here and read how many man decide they want to open their relationship in exactly this situation, and see how well it goes. I...

If someone has such poor boundaries, self-awareness, and control that they wish to continue to date (for example) a hard drug user that turns up at their home, yells, turns violent, etc...I mean, is it really likely that their partner having to tell them "You can't see them anymore because I say...

Um...no. On so many levels, just no. 1. Triads, which is what you are talking about, almost always end in horrible explosions. Forced triads, even among people who are actually looking for a triad, are the worst for it, and arguable the least stable poly relationship configuration. 2. It's...

There is an amazing amount to unpack in your life, and adding multiple relationships/poly into it all seems like a pretty big mountain to put into the terrain before you even get the journey of healing underway. Why not take some time and talk to a sex-positive therapist to help you work...

I think this is also part of the problem with "veto" power. In almost all the cases I've seen it used (including on me), it's not genuine, unsolvable issues that directly impact the "established" partners in very negative ways (ex: hardcore illicit drug use by the new partner in front of the...

I definitely dislike labels, and wouldn't likely date a person who could refer to me as (or anyone else) a secondary. I get it as a shorthand in explaining things on a forum, but that's about it. I have a nesting partner, and am more entangled with them than other partners in terms of finances...