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1. Absolutely! 2. I detest the words "primary" and "secondary," because to me it feels like those confer some kind of class of citizenship in my life, which is really offputting. But, I do have different priorities with different partners, and I think that is totally reasonable. Obviously, you...

Welcome to the boards. The "hoops" you're experiencing are possibly less about the places you've been posting, and more what you are trying to engage in. You should definitely read and spend some time thinking and talking about "So someone called you a unicorn hunter," as well as doing a search...

I agree on all of this! But, we aren't supposed to talk about Secondaries R Us on the forums. It's a poly community secret only shared with veterans, like "Hot Bi Babes R Us." If we tell everyone, they'll run out of stock. :p

Hello, and welcome to the boards! I'd say I'm more a radical atheist, feminist, and bisexual activist :D I lived in a small, very religious area for several years (mostly unwillingly, and I fled as soon as possible), so I entirely sympathize. From what I hear, though I've never been there, you...

As weird as this sounds, I have mixed feelings on this. Don't get me wrong, I totally get where you are coming from and definitely don't think he should get a GF (not only because he doesn't want one, but because his current relationship is a mess in ways no other person should be dragged into)...

It isn't a case of different kinds of poly or relationship styles. Is it judgmental? Yep. Just as I judge slut shaming, genital mutilation, forced marriage, etc. I lived in a place where "purity" and "purity ceremonies" were commonplace, and they are everything I said above and more. Deciding...

That was kind of my thought. The ridiculous, sex-negative (seriously, having sex doesn't make someone "impure," what a ludicrous, outdated, and repressive notion), reality-denial of this whole weird ceremony aside, there's only two things that he could be asking, albeit indirectly, with this...

Um...she can't be a "cowgirl" if she doesn't know abut you. So, this guy is essentially leading her to believe they are in a monogamous relationship, which means he's lying to her, leading her on, being incredibly unethical and yet you are saying the GF is the one sending up red flags? News...

Well, that answers my questions in your intro thread. Sheesh, I can't believe how many people get caught cheating and suddenly "come out" as poly. Cheating is cheating. It can, in some rare cases, lead to successful poly; but, at least from what I've seen in person and what I've read, it's rare...

Welcome! If I might ask, what do you get out of the arrangement? It doesn't have to be another relationship, if that's not what you want, but does she take care of your child for a weekend so you can pursue a hobby, etc.? If one partner feels like a poly arrangement only has benefits on one...

You are still blaming him for *her* behavior. People have other people in their lives die all the time. It sucks. Been there. It makes people emotional, and can cause poor behavior. But, in healthy people, those behaviors tend to be small. Your wife clearly already had issues, and the real...

Not a healthy relationship. Why be in a relationship that feels like punishment?

While it could happen this way, it is INCREDIBLY unlikely to. Threesomes, and triads, almost never allay insecurity or jealousy--they magnify it. This is going to be graphic: -What if his penis is bigger? What if it bends differently and seems to please her more? What if her orgasms look and...

There is a phase of healing from affairs that many people go through called "hysterical bonding."while I am not a fan of the terminolog, it's pretty common, and I think it could be a large part of what is happening to you. It can lead to all sorts of things you'd normally not do, and it can...

Is this just for a personal symbol for yourself, a self-acknowledgement of sorts? Or, letting potential partners know you're open? If the former, sure, the ring (or whatever you like) totally works. If the latter, it's unlikely to convey the message unless you're in a REALLY poly-friendly...

For starters, stop being so dismissive of her feelings--that can't make her feel good. Next, understand that her concerns are valid and realistic: -I her family and friends are not accepting, and she moves in with you, what support system does she have left if things go poorly? You and your...

Even if he is bi, there's no reason to think he'd: 1. find the same guy attractive that you do 2. That he'd want to explore his sexuality with the same person you're sleeping with/dating 3. want to explore it in the pressure of a group setting 4. want to explore it while in a relationship 5...

Have you considered seeing a counselor? There are ones that are poly friendly, depending on where you live, that might be able to give you both some tools for rebuilding the trust. A place to start is creating a safe space where both of you can talk. Not an actual space, but an emotional one...

The breach of trust is, understandably, a factor in your feelings. Have you guys discussed how trust will be repaired going forward? What things she would need to do to make you feel safe in trusting her again, and how to more honestly communicate? All that said, some of getting over the worry...

I am glad something spoke to you. For me, it often helps when someone else gives me a new way of looking at things (because, let's face it, we're all a bit myopic about some things)!