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Has the guy told his wife he wants an open/poly relationship, or a divorce, or would he be cheating on her?

Would she go to a meetup, maybe, to meet real people? The reality is that the internet is skewed negative for pretty much anything, because people without issues are less likely to be seeking help there. Maybe meeting people who are living as poly might be let her ask questions, see some...

There are also all the legal complications to think about. As far as I know, at the moment only CA (assuming you're in the US) allows three parents. It can become an issue in everything from hospital visits to school-related administrative issues, to custody if things ever go south. It may not...

I think the morality is what most of us were discussing, but I'll be more succinct: -Introducing what is almost certain to be negative drama, as well as confusion and instability, into children's lives is not something to be done lightly, and certainly not without some very good reasons. I...

And you'd want to cause all this potential drama for your children...why, again? It's bad enough they potentially have one dramatic person in their life, why would you want to add more instability?

I think it helps to determine the "why" when people want to meet metamours. For example, I don't necessarily need to meet my metamours, but do insist on the basic ability to be civil at important social functions or emergencies. Also, if a person is nested or partnered, I need some kind of...

Sorry for the delay. Long work week! From my PhD psych friends, radical honesty was a term co-opted from actual treatment practices into a total BS book. One precedes the other, but I suppose, to be fair, most people don't know that. The point of the original treatment was to not be afraid to...

I am glad it's going better for you, I hope that continues. I think you missed what I was saying, however. I wasn't suggesting evasion, I was suggesting honest communication and enforcing boundaries. Again, radical honesty is a route to better, honest communication, not a route to not taking...

While I agree that it's difficult to get past step #1, as you say, I think the major point was missed, which is less about love, specifically, and more about rules placed on another relationship. I, too, am in your target demographic. And, unfortunately, I had so many negative experiences with...

I think it's worth noting that "radical honesty" doesn't mean saying absolutely everything in your head, and doesn't mean disregarding people's feelings to make yourself feel better. Consider your motives before speaking--being honest to assuage your own conscience isn't always a reason to say...

Bad self esteem can make dating rather a minefield, for many reason: predatory people look for that to take advantage of, and quality partners tend to get exhausted with it after a while. So, just acknowledging it and wanting to deal with it is an excellent first step. There's no one way...

As always for a couple looking to "add" someone to their relationship and limit that person's interaction to only when it can be all three together, I highly recommend you ALL read "So someone called you a unicorn hunter. That you have already set up rules for engaging, sex, etc. without the...

I am glad that no one-on-one time works for you. For many people, that wouldn't work, though. Me included. I've been in a successful and wonderful triad, and there was definitely time for each couple, the triad, and each individual. Then again, I wouldn't likely be involved people who had to be...

I get that some people would be offended by asking for confirmation of status if it's not otherwise obvious. Those people aren't for me. I don't do blind trust (been there, done that--it didn't end well, obviously), and no, you can't always tell if someone is lying no matter how good one's...

These are many of the same reasons I don't date cheaters, as well as the reasons I don't do DADT poly. In addition to just generally preferring to be ethical and only date people who are ethical, I want the freedom for relationships to develop organically, and neither of those models allows...

I also believe in some sort of reasonable assurances that married/nested partners aren't cheating. I've been cheated on, and unknowingly dated cheaters who are *really* good at lying about it--many cheaters are, especially at the beginning, before the more "obvious" signs of cheating would set...

I totally agree with the sentiment, but not everyone is in a position to be an activist, or wants to for various reasons. I am certainly more "out and proud" in both the LGBT community and multiple partnerships, but my reality doesn't include a spouse losing income and/or being unable to find...

"What do I do?" Well, first you stop referring to and thinking of this "other person" as nothing but an object for you and your wife's pleasure. People are not objects, and no one is there to make your marriage better, or be a condiment to your life. Next, take a lot of time to do a search...

Getting a divorce is, I would guess, not am option. If they aren't married, she didn't get moved when be gets reassigned, loses all healthcare and spousal benefits, death benefits, communication privileges when he's deployed, etc. While I generally can see people divorcing in many circumstances...

I am sorry this has happened to you. There's a lot to deal with here, and some of it will be hard to face, especially while hurting. (There are many reasons single bi women who are poly often refuse to date couples, especially married couples, and it seems your couple hit pretty much every one...