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I know there are other threads on poly/mono issues, but this statement seems to me like a red flag in any poly relationship. I don't think it's just about Sofia; it seems to be a common idea for many people, especially in the beginning. I don't think being a friend with a partner/lover's...

I want to take this apart in points. "Women aren't well-suited for polyamory." Aside from need to clarify or define the terms, "not well-suited" is vague. We could argue that this may be true in the sense that women face much more societal pressure, surveillance and control around their...

I don't think you'd be talking him into anything. It might be helpful to him to have that conversation with you and actually consider why he was thinking about cheating in the first place. If he has feelings that can't be contained by an exclusive monogamous relationship, they're not going to...

I don't know if you all mean it that way, but this discussion of whether there are "real" bisexuals makes me nervous. There's so much ignorance and biphobia out there. People automatically think it's a phase, or fake or you're doing it for a man or one day you'll discover your true self. I...

Wow. That was also my most immediate take-away reading this. I was just having a conversation with my sweetie last night about sex frequency (he has gotten more involved with another woman recently) and new vs. established relationships. 1-4 times a day every day would not leave me fulfilled...

I like it that jealousy is a "he" in your post, River, since so often people in popular culture ascribe it to women. I'm sure this point has already been brought up countless times, but there's a flipside to the jealous person. I'm not inclined toward jealousy and have found my lack of it to be...

Thanks for your post. I think this is really accurate.

I'm not sure why you're so belligerent and bitter here, or what half of these references are supposed to be. Insider jokes or something? Because whatever kind of digs they're meant to be are lost on me. I just got here and don't know the full story and don't really want considering. You are...

This. Hierarchical language doesn't work for me at all (primary/secondary). I don't want to rank things, even if they are distinct. I do end up using different words for people -- my long-term partner is my partner, then any combination of boyfriend/girlfriend or sweetie for the others.

I find that some of my students are amazingly knowledgeable about this stuff, while others have no clue, or get their info from their peers, and it's often wrong. The interwebs do not make up for the sex ed that still doesn't exist in many many places in the US (and large parts of the world)...

I suppose my issue with some of your posts, which is why I posted on this thread, is because of what I perceive as (and NYCindie just noted) an attack on poly as being the issue, not your disinterest in it and pain from your own relationship. There's no advantage or disadvantage having it start...

NeonKaos, I completely agree. dinged, I have always felt multiple in my love and desires. Society forces us to choose monogamy, or pressures us to not enter into committed relationships if we refuse. Heteropatriarchal supremacy rules, still. Personally, I've rejected marriage, despite making...

The problem with hypotheticals is that they are just that. You don't know that you would be able to kill someone just as you don't know that you would be able to lie in the second case. You hope you would, but at that moment, you might not follow through. If the case you presented at the...

I understand what you're saying -- I reject most societal norms. I think things can become rigid in poly relationships -- the rule "you can't sleep over so and so's house" for example -- long after a period of one partner waiting to do this. Things can be renegotiated, feelings change, etc...

Ditto to what's been already said. Insist on openness or postpone indefinitely. I try to think of it this way--if I'm entering into a relationship with someone, I'm also entering into a relationship with their partner/lover/(insert favorite word). It might not be a friendship or intimate, but...

I don't think they're using it as a crutch. I think they're really confused and probably not ready to be in any relationship of a long-term sort. Seems like they might love you, but it doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic for you. This might sound harsh, but if I were with someone for only 5...

I have no issues with your definition, because I think it works for how you understand certain elements of what constitutes a relationship. For me, the difference lies in how you and I define "love." I guess my definition of love and how I experience is broader. I don't think all casual sex is...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I think this shows how diverse definitions really are and why labeling is often a problem, as much as it is helpful for finding community/like-minded folks. I think casual sex or "fucking around" is a perfectly fine part of poly relationships, if that's how...

I was responding to what I disagreed with in your argument -- I perceived it as saying we all had the same instincts that we have to control and thought that it amounted to biological determinism. Your response? Sarcasm. Yeah, this is being a douchebag. You can't take people arguing back...

No, I'm not saying what you are. I find your argument to be biologically determinist. Culture always enters in to the equation and it's contextual. It determines how we understand any instincts we may have (which may be different person to person), how we code them in terms of acceptable and...