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Redpepper: I need, need, NEED to know about radical honesty. I'll search out posts on the topic in a moment. Hey, I'm Sagittarius too! From one list of Sagittarius traits: "honest and straightforward" but "blindly optimistic and careless" pretty much describes my side of the interaction to a T...

Update: L and I talked last night. I have an emotional blindspot that matches up with an emotional vulnerability of hers, I think. Blindspot: I assumed that if I was truthful and frank about my feelings that she would understand me. And that even if I was clumsy and blundered in the way I...

Interesting thread. In my family close contact was not automatically given -- according to family legend, my paternal grandmother once said "I wish humans could procreate like fish, without touching each other." That's not to say affection was lacking; my parents were very affectionate. But we...

Aw, you guys practically make me teary-eyed with your kindness. Thank you. Immaterial: "But the cautionary note would be to not let the NRE wipe out a commitment to honesty." Never! IMHO, without honesty there is no foundation for trust, and without trust there's no possibility of a deep...

I agree with jkelly, OkCupid is more poly-friendly. Also, you can search on the term "poly" or "polyamorous" and find people who have mentioned it in their profile. I second the honesty part. When I was on OKC I had a paragraph about me dating a poly woman, and while I'm sure it cut my...

Yeah -- what Mono said. Treasure that guy. For me, what happens during sex is apparent in what happens afterwards: pillow-talk is, for me, an order of magnitude more intimate and loving than any other communication with a human being. Trusting another person with my body creates a connection...

Yes, I'm an impatient sort as well. And you have your own ideas about what poly is -- "your poly is not my poly" kind of thing -- but it would seem that building relationships requires more time and patience than getting laid does. But you know that already I'm sure. If you're having trouble...

Thanks for the good thoughts, Honestheart. I understand your sorrow for a lost poly relationship, I think. What might have been. It's sad. And I have some of that. No matter what's said and done, I'll remember my relationship with L as beautiful. But it's always been very clear that she loves...

I have a somewhat similar reaction -- when I had a poly lover I was fine with her seeing other men and women, but I couldn't allow myself the same freedom without feeling uncomfortable. In my case I've retreated from poly, at least for now. I don't know your full interpersonal situation nor...

Thanks, all. No, Mono, I'm not poly for sure. I've known for quite a while now that I'm comfortable loving a woman who has other lovers but that it makes me feel disloyal and sneaky to have more than one lover myself. So I'm poly-friendly but I have no personal drive to love many. Which is a...

Well, to paraphrase Leonard Cohen, I thought that it would never happen, but love sho' has done called me by my name. So. Many of you know I date a married poly woman, L, and adore her, but only see her one evening a week. No sleepovers, no full days together. I was getting pretty lonely on...

Heh, I didn't see this thread until today. I just pulled my profile off OKC last night. All the experiences I had were positive, and I met some fine friends; it's just that for me it's a little TOO seductive to spend a couple of hours looking through profiles for people that sound interesting...

"I don't know, does the label really matter?" Not so much. None of us fits perfectly inside a box. All of us on this forum know that falling in love is seldom rational, careful, controlled, and aseptic. If someone needs love, has needed it for a long time, and suddenly a miracle...

I'm sorry. But I hope this becomes a constructive way forward. Nobody here can stand in your place and truly feel what you're feeling, man, but many of us have had our own traumas. So while we do not know, we can sympathize. Good on you for getting a counselor, or perhaps it will be one for...

Excellent advice from Ariakas. You have to talk to both husband and BF if you want to feel honest and turn the affair into an open relationship. "The crazy thing is I'm starting to look at my husband in a different light. I'm not cringing when he touches me. I'm now enjoying his company and...

A couple of things that I have to remember: 1. For me, the hours from midnight to about 5 AM tend to be darker emotionally. It could be that the diurnal serotonin-and-other-chemistry cycles are naturally at low ebb. But whatever the cause, if I am awake during those hours my thoughts tend...

It sounds like the psychological tension is awfully intense. When people can't sleep -- his turmoil is keeping him awake, and he's not disciplined enough to at least let you sleep -- then things can blow up. Tempers flare, judgment fails, self-control vanishes. Please be careful, I know you...

Yes...it's sad when things don't fall into place the way we wish they would. But as you write, it's better to know than to rely on wishful thinking and then have greater distress when the real world corrects mistaken assumptions. Good for you for talking to her! I think that opening up to...

I don't know if this was said already in some form, but Matilda, you DO need to form a very important new relationship, and it is with yourself. All your married life you have made yourself responsible for other peoples' happiness, and now it's time for you to do it for yourself. I think you...

Well, for me the primary reason I look for other friends -- and that's just-friends at this point -- is because my poly GF is unable to spend as much time with me as my emotional well-being requires. This is new on several levels for me: coming out of a 30-year mono marriage and starting to...