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The right therapist WILL be able to handle poly and non-monogamy. A well-experienced therapist who has his or her head screwed on straight will take such things in stride and will not judge you. When I talked about it to my therapist she smiled and said that there are many kinds of relationships...

OK, Blume, I misunderstood. My error. I'm really glad you've talked about things together, that is SO important! Here's another thought: To some people sharing sexual intimacy is not threatening. It doesn't trigger jealousy. But emotional intimacy -- hearing or imagining your partner saying "I...

Phew! A lot of complexity, you're right. I have no answers. None. Zip. Nada. You seem relationship-oriented and he seems to have a side that is fascinated by casual sex. Is that the fundamental issue? How does the partner you've been with for 10 years deal with this? Is he OK with the...

"... isnt it natural for women to become attached and form a loving bond. I know theres exceptions, those who can comfortably keep an emotional distance, but I think this isnt the majority. Also Im not sure most women would have the cognizance to know in advance that they couldnt keep it casual...

Yeah, it's a guy thing. Women who self-identify as poly are probably perceived by most unaware guys as "easy," and so get a lot of attention. Guys who self-identify as poly are probably perceived by unaware women as "cheaters," and are shunned. Personally, I would always put my true...

You sweet thing, you're probably feeling compersion -- that great empathic connection with your guy that makes you feel happy when you know he's feeling good. NRE trickledown: his twinkledust feeling from the new relationship is making you feel giggly too. It's great. It's healthy. Enjoy.

It seems to me that you and your girlfriend have not worked out what kind of relationship you both want. When the boundaries are unspoken there is a lot of room for misunderstanding, isn't there? You can ask her about the messages. Was this just online flirting? Was it someone serious? Do you...

Ow. Owie. I'm sorry. "...this interesting girl that messaged them on their POf profile and how would I feel about them taking her to bed?" It feels to me like: You want a relationship with this couple. You want to care about them and be cared about. You want it to mean something. You heard...

All this is possible in a poly setting. Some people get all this from their primary partner, and also from their other partners. But it takes two things. 1. Your other partner(s) should be able to give you the unique love that lets you know that you are special to them. 2. You should be able...

As the old saying goes, you can't be a little bit pregnant -- you either are or you aren't. That is NOT how it is with poly. There is a whole spectrum of psychological configurations, a whole range of behavior preferences. One guy on the forum (MonoVCPHG) i's really monogamous but loves a...

! Of course I don't know your husband, but I do know that there are some men who have a centered, self-aware confidence that lets them avoid jealousy. You're husband may have that quality, I don't know. Another thing he may understand, either intuitively or through thinking about the...

With all respect, it's my feeling that I since I care very much about my lover then I am obligated to care about something that makes her very happy: her primary relationship. By extension, I care about her husband. (He makes that easy since he's a gentle and generous man.) I don't dance around...

Love is hard to define. Here's one reason. We all know what gravity is: it makes bricks fall on our feet when we drop them. It works the same for everybody -- it is an objective reality. Love does not cause bricks to fall on our feet, and we can't weigh it. It is completely inside the mind --...

Yeah, I'm with Redpepper on this. I'm happy in and of myself, and I do things that make me happy. I also get a warm tingle when I know my GF is doing things that make her happy, including things with her husband or others. It has nothing to do with depending on someone else to make me happy. My...

This sounds like an incredibly painful situation. I'm a newbie but to me it sounds like perhaps he's not so much into caring relationships as he is into fooling around. I hope I'm not being unfair. I don't think you are reacting mostly to polyamory, I think you are reacting to your husband's...

Ow. I'm really sorry you're hurting. This is real, you are not at fault for feeling this way, and I strongly doubt that anyone on this board would ignore your pain. You appear to be monogamous. That's simply a way to be. Monogamy can be so completely part of a person's identity and...

Wow. That's perceptive and wise. You're creating an experience-space that belongs uniquely to those two particular partners. That's not an illusion, it's a really intelligent use of real-world psychology. I've read sometimes that a partner says, OK you can make love with your other...

No, not belligerent at all, man! You make an excellent point. If you're comfortable in your own skin and confident that you are the way you want to be then stay with it! I wrote "assuming you might want to change" because quite a few people who come to the forum do want to change the way they...

...Redpepper's right, but we can offer thoughts on your particular situation too. Why not? You're not alone: the difficulty of seeing a spouse or lover forming an emotional connection with someone else seems to be, for many people, more threatening than a mostly sexual connection. There was a...

Mono, this interests me because I am several steps behind you but may be similar in some respects (only some). So I'm looking at my own field and attempting to understand where my natural boundaries lie. (And trying to learn from your experience...) From one side I am poly: I feel no discomfort...