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Well, dating marrieds... This week I got word that my car needs repairs that will cost far more than the vehicle is worth and I should really look for a new one, at a time when my savings are down due to expensive dental work. And my microwave died, and my grown son is pestering me for petty...

You're welcome... Those questions, and others, may be things you think about for years. It's a process, I think. The couple I'm involved with have been poly for about a decade, and we're all in our "mature" years, ie over 50. Still, despite long and solid experience L is having trouble...

Whew. You're smart and perceptive, but you're really into a complicated emotional situation. If I understand correctly, you're hoping to build a poly marriage in which both you and your wife can be secure and have outside relationships. I suspect strong confidence in yourself as a man and...

Great to have both parties to the question on the forum! "As someone from the outside dating one of them, you have to accept the fact that their family life comes first..." Yes, that's the way it works for me in dating a married woman. But as Derby implies, situations are fluid. Usually there...

My GF and her husband have been doing tango regularly for about 6 years. They've gone to Argentina a couple of times on tango safaris. I'm aiming more toward other ballroom dances partly because tango is so much their thing and partly because from her descriptions the tango community in our...

GS -- yes, maybe so. I tend to think in absolutist terms, and I tend to believe that what people say or write is what they really mean. But as you write, people are not necessarily as yes-or-no or as straightforward and certain of themselves as they seem. I'm very naive. Until the last six...

I'm glad Alex is paying attention to your feelings. That he's willing to do that is a very good sign, yes? Guys are stupid...I know I am. Sometimes you superior intellects need to tell us when you want or need something. My GF is not at all shy about coaching me (surprise me with flowers now...

Bawdysattva, I am coming to the same conclusions as you and Korindino. I need someone besides my married girlfriend to fill my life, but the number of women interested in poly in my area appears to be quite small. Yes, it's possible for me to attract interest from monogamous women. I have a big...

Yeah! The marriage I referred to is 20+ years in the making. L and D have had their bad times, and from what I understand it was not at all easy. Actually, L is working through some resentment about one of D's girlfriends now. From my perspective L is justified in her feelings -- the other...

Oh, I'm the same username on OKC. Have to visit some of you people now that I know. Oh, and I met a couple of people there. Mixed results, but I've only been on for a month or so.

Ah, the part about becoming a stay-at-home mom with a 1-year-old changes things in my imagination all right. Major life changes for both of you, but especially for your wife. Is she feeling off-balance and uncertain about her life, do you think? It sounds like the counselor suggested that, in a...

Sorry to read that. Not a very generous spirit toward the relationship to say the least. What a heartbreak situation... Without the trust to give you and the BF space it really devolves to an adversarial dynamic where she sees you as competition and he has to make choices about who to hurt. But...

You are RIGHT! The things you describe all sound like great efforts by someone who is self-aware and trying hard. I congratulate you and admire your determination. I know what you mean about the difficulty of coming home from a position which challenges every bit of your ability to interact...

As a couple of people have written, the other guy giving your wife reasons to choose him over you is very troubling. That's home-wrecker behavior. Definitely something to bring up with the counselor, IMHO. How did your wife feel when he talked like that? Defensive? Confused? Angry? Sad? But...

IMHO, it is absolutely appropriate to ask a counselor or therapist about their openness to polyamory or any other behavioral choice when checking them out by phone. Or in person. It's not only appropriate, it's necessary! This is someone you need to trust and be able to confide in. I'm lucky...

Heh, heh. I think there's a definite sexual dimorphism on this issue. What I hear is that mono men message poly women pretty frequently, and in a fairly Neanderthal manner. The reverse is not true. My poly relationship has tight boundaries, as I've mentioned elsewhere -- one date evening a...

"The only thing left for me to do is to show with my actions my sincerity and honesty..." There it is, then! It may be hard to do but you know that already and you've decided to do it. Good on yer.

I was in a monogamous marriage for 30 years, it broke up, and about 14 months later I fell for a woman who's in a polyamorous marriage. It's a little different, in that she and her husband are very considerate when I'm around -- they are friendly and loving but don't smooch on each other. But...

"His NORMAL reaction to ANY type of conflict with ANYONE is to give in to the request so that it stops, if that can't be done or doesn't work, then he will walk/run in the opposite direction in order to escape it." Yah. That's my personality type exactly. I learned how to do confrontation when...

Yeah, Maca, it struck me that you're occupying a tough spot in this situation. I admire you immensely for stepping into your responsibility to LR. As far as the workplace cabal goes, I have no doubt that you are smarter and more determined than any of them. I suppose one difficulty is that I...