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I think these questions need to be asked: What happens if the relationships fall apart? Who pays? Who gets visitation - and is visitation in danger for a non-paternal/maternal parent? Are the non-bio parents okay with a potential nightmare scenario happening? Not every glittering relationship...

INFJ here - the usual best buddy of the INTJ's (we are rarest of all MB types). I can totally understand how an INTJ might view poly in a favorable light - compartmentalizing people that most of you are (and I say that affectionately).

I wonder that myself. Were I either of them, I'd strongly distrust the potential outcome of legal joining. Their trajectories are rather different, and based on her posts I don't think she grasps the importance he places on his future career. Very, very different world views = trouble ahead.

So that's a self-serving viewpoint to deflect personal responsibility away from themselves. I think in the end you're lucky this is over. Had it gone down a deeper path before crumbling - your suffering would've been even worse. Though I suspect you've been put the ringer enough as it is. I...

Very interesting history (in a sensual and adventuring way). I found myself appreciating your style of writing, and I do look forward to future posts. I'm amused at Arlo's desire for DADT, as it would seem after all this time (and some mutually pleasurable experiences) he'd be more comfortable...

I disagree. Terrified is overstating things. The disabled are in their own category, much like being white, black or mixed is it's own category. A lack of exposure to people who look or act or live differently from someone creates anxiety at not knowing how to interact or relate. Terror? No...

Agreed with Kevin, it's a very generous outlook. If it's come to the end for both of you, you certainly can carry yourself with the pride of knowing you really did act with the best of intentions throughout the relationship. While I don't think you meeting with her husband for a beer was a...

Strange woman amigo, she seemed ready to dump her husband into the garbage a month or two ago - without really saying much about it. Now she's possibly doing a 180, so don't feel too surprised. Even if she starts talking again, you may want to re-evaluate your position - as you may be much more...

Willowbrook is the most famous of mental hospital cases, save for perhaps London's. It led to federal legislation and endless press on the matter. Whether or not a fictional show should inject reality by attributing what were formerly common conditions in 'hospitals' for the mentally 'ill', to a...

Mono is giving good advice. People make judgements, constantly (all of us). Their silence and letting go of you is really a communication by itself. What more need be said?

Ouch, living with them, okay. That puts an entirely different spin on things. How long have you been living with them? How long did you date before you moved in?

It's called lying, wish fulfillment, denial or evasion. Lots of couples play pretend until it's too late to salvage anything. Sometimes fighting is warranted over real issues that were simmering long before you showed up (but unfortunately were sparked by the change you represent). Sometimes one...

Completely agreed. One could apply that same statement to virtually any movement, practice, etc. I suppose human beings need to compartmentalize themselves for reasons of validation and self-direction, but that seems more problematic than helpful in the end.

Jenikyula, You're better off avoiding labels, stick to what you want and who you are - and leave the definitions by the wayside. Mono/poly labels are rather meaningless and limiting when looking an individual's particular needs and wants. Likely as not, you have a lot of fluidity and can be...

Easier said than done, people tend to get incredibly stupid when one half of their relationship is in trouble. Projecting, transferring, cowboying, ignoring, etc. But it's a nice thought, even if in practice it's not generally fact.

Kevin, just wanted to drop a note and say that your 'boring' life is one of the most pleasant reads on a poly forum site I've encountered. I've been reading your posts since Poly Percs back in 2008 or so (and whatever happened to that site?) and you've been a wonderful voice of reason throughout...

I've followed your blog with interest, as an objective side of your personality seems to come through - more than most writers here usually convey. I've remarked before about the fact that you happen to be the most poly person in this relationship, and that seems to be coming through loud and...

:) great update. I hope Butch's surgery goes well!

Compersion for another person's joy is a powerful feeling, and it may keep giving you enough feelings of satisfaction that won't leave you 'lonely'. I found over the years that being alone was rather pleasant almost every time it happened. Never felt lonely once the initial adjustment to poly...

Rory, Sorry to read of your difficulties with Alec. My perspective: From your writing over the years you've made a conscious effort to give Alec no more and no less than any other partner, as its your way of handling all relationships. It seems like it's finally caught up for him, and perhaps...