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Sounds like they're on their way to a complete falling out if things don't change. While its easy to blame him, and convenient, try to stay neutral if it happens. Your presence isn't causing it, and obviously those two aren't ready for polyamory. They're not even really communicating with one...

Love your writing so far, it seems objective (as much as romance can ever be), fair and considerate. Funnily, I think you might be the best communicator among the 3 of you, with how you've described things so far. They might be in for a bumpy ride if they don't get better at it. Both of them...

These folks are correct I work in IT and currently have working for me: A psychology grad student who's doing this until he can get a job in his field(3years and counting working here) An Doctorate in Art from a prestigious school who's glad to have a job A film studies major....... And on it...

Separation from the source of your problems, and taking time to get over it. No magic bullet though, you've got to stay away from him for a while.

I doubt any intelligent people believed you had given up. Nobody here believes you ever wanted to, I suspect. Of course not being able to have him likely makes your wanting him that much more intense. Like most people in love, the wanting of something is more important than knowing whether or...

Obsessing? Does he ever actually talk to other mature people into BDSM, who have managed to incorporate their way of thinking while living with someone who isn't? Seems Butch could use some perspective on how not to carry on with non-bdsm inclined people - might help him channel things better.

Why are you still married and living with him if you feel and think this way? Convenience/kids thing?

Well, you just called some of the most respectable people on this site trolls. Good luck having future discussions if that's your perspective.

FC, An observation: It might help to reduce your writing to simpler terms and easier concepts. You're dealing with a mixed audience of various perspectives and language patterns, so clarity is a must if you'd like useful thought exchanges. While I think the previous post to mine was a bit rude...

Now that's got the makings of an interesting moment, lol. "Excuse me darling, I need to fetch the Saran Wrap for our date tonight."

Without taking a census it's impossible to answer the question. Perhaps if you're asking at a personal 'you' level it makes more sense. My thought: There's more than one kind of adventurer in the world these days. Technology has made mental adventurers of many, and has reinforced the isolation...

Great post. I shrug anymore when I see people confusing what they want for what they need. Which seems to be at the root of much of the world's misery. Maybe it's not insanity, but instead an endless optimism bias that somehow, someway - things will be better tomorrow.

Uhh, I'm not sure where anyone advised leaving. You may want to reread the posts. Insecurity is a normal part of some people's behavior, but how they deal with it defines the outcome. From what gingersnap is describing, dealing with things her partner is displaying will take a long time. It's up...

You can try, but would you remember to keep it up? I guess the question is: is it worth the effort to work around her issues? I don't think altering your persona is very wise, though. It probably provides a spark to your relationship and is a joy to have around. Introverts (like me, at least)...

If she's got significant insecurities, bringing them to light won't do much good unless she desires to improve them for herself. As for you, if you have a partner like this, you'll find yourself adjusting to whatever insecurities she's going through in a particular day, in order to keep the...

You're not negative, you're apprehensive due to lack of context. Have some safe experiences when you're both ready and learn from them. Up front, it sounds like you're looking for a possible FWB or perhaps swinging experience with no strings attached, rather than a 'relationship' with other...

Idealist, cut him some slack. Nobody ever ends where they start, beliefs and understanding evolve as realities change. Sure, there's some maturity needed, but find one person out there who has the 'right' outlook immediately. He's hesitant, and he has some ideas that are going to change. But...

If you mutually decided to table it for a few months, do that. No harm in it. It's not like the moment you start broadcasting on a dating site that you'll be flooded with women dying to meet you both. She might be, but more doubtful for you. Law of supply and demand. Anyway, taking it at her...

How can any relationship grow with little availability? Having more relationships does create a scarcity of resource where available time is concerned, no way around it. There are a lot of definitions of what 'enough' time with another person constitutes, but you'll have to figure it out for...

Agreed it's possible to have a successful quad, or even more. The difficulty is finding four developed and mature people to inhabit the same space at once. It's rare.