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I am thinking of a situation where a poly person has two partners, one primary, one not primary, and the non-primary lover wants something that directly conflicts with what the primary lover wants. I have been having difficulties with my primary partner (a very loving 28-year relationship)...

I got married fairly young, having had very few lovers. When my husband and I decided to open our marriage not quite 20 years later, I went a little crazy. I played cougar for about a year and was literally picking out handsome young studs off a hookup site. Then I met my first poly boyfriend...

MusicalRose, I don't think D would put me in danger again. I do think he learned from his mistake of almost five years ago. I do meet his partners, in fact, I knew R before he did, and encouraged the relationship at the beginning of it. The problem now is, I can't handle his disloyalty, can't...

LovingRadiance, very impressive list! I LOVE rule number 7. So simple, and I don't know why I never thought of it. I am certain that D doesn't always present us to partners and potential partners as a united front, which may be at the root of our problems. Anneintherain, thanks so much for...

Thanks for sharing, LovingRadiance. How do you hold "a tight rein" on your partner? One thing we did just do was add this to our list of relationship rules: "If another partner or potential partner causes significant discord in our relationship, defined by multiple arguments about the...

I am wondering if anyone has symptoms of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) that can be specifically triggered by a specific polyamorous situation. I do. Almost five years ago my primary, D, and I went through a very difficult period together. In his pursuit of another relationship, his...

He wanted to stay her friend. I would have been OK with that, I don't control his friendship, although I questioned the logic of wanting to keep as a friend someone who hadn't been honest with him. But once she heard that I didn't trust her as a potential sexual partner for him, she told him she...

Thanks for the support, GG and Annabel, I really appreciate it! I wish I knew how to help D feel better about this. He now blames himself for handling it all badly. I don't know how to talk him out of that.

I already posted a little while back about my partner D and his potential partner R, whom I was not trusting because of her failure to disclose the existence of a sexual partner she had before sexual contact happened between her and D. The full story is in the first post here...

I have discussed things a little with D already. The main problem is, we cannot be sure that she would not have disclosed the other partner before sex with him, because sex did not happen. All they had was manual contact. It's quite possible that she would have told him about the other guy after...

D is my primary partner. He has a secondary partner, C, as well. He has also been interested in R for a while. The relevant history is as follows. D was ready to date R about nine months ago and I fully supported it. We are all poly. They did hang out a few times and made out but stopped short...

What never computes about the OPP policy, for me, is that it is basically saying that straight women shouldn't be poly. And I know that my ability to love more than one has nothing to do with what kind of genitalia I choose to engage with. I think it's also dismissive of female/female...

I am fluid bonded with my husband. I would like to be fluid bonded with boyfriend #1, even though he is the one of my two OSOs whom I see less often. The main reason I want this is that boyfriend has some functional issues that make condom usage very difficult for him, to the point where we...

You are missing the context here. This guy did not write and say "I'd like to meet you" and got a "I'm not really looking right now" response. He wrote to ask me why I stayed on a site where there was so much bad dating behavior, and I told him it didn't bother me because I wasn't invested in an...

GalaGirl, I often "freshen" my profiles. This is the first paragraph of the main online profile I use at present: I am not here for casual sex. Nor do I ever indulge in any form of cybersex or phone sex. Yes, I am serious about this. Also, please note that I do not respond to opening emails...

Just because I don't feel pressured to find more partners, doesn't mean I'm closed to the possibility. If I was, I would have said that. Boyfriend number 2 didn't assume that I was "all set" since I already had two partners, he asked questions about my availability and what I wanted in my...

Nope, this is too big an assumption for me to get past. Deciding for me how many lovers is too many is just way too much paternalistic BS and doesn't bode well for any future with this guy, IMO. He did write back and tried to backpedal what he said, but I'm not going to pursue anything with him...

I just wanted to share a funny experience I had this morning. I received a very nice email from a well-spoken, attractive, local man expressing frustration with bad dating behavior on a site we are both on. He asked me if I ever felt discouraged about finding partners. I wrote back and told him...

Lots of potentially helpful things here, thanks! Cleo, yes, I am sure he slept with C. Before it happened, he told me he "didn't need to have sex with her" after I expressed my fear that I wasn't going to feel OK about him having intercourse with someone else when he had had close to zero libido...

Galagirl, D isn't making much time to be with me sexually, no. Our best time, when things are most likely to work for us, has historically been mornings, but lately, even though we are both usually awake early enough to make that happen, he isn't wanting sex. Evenings, he tends to come to bed...