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If you move out why does it need to be the end? One of the things I love in principle about poly is that relationships don't have to fit any particular shape. We can have people we love in our lives even if they can't give us (or we can't give them) as much time as might like because of other...

I think Jane had some good things to say. If you want to do it then cultivate habits of doing it. Obviously if you don't want to then you shouldn't, but if you theoretically want to have more sex and you enjoy it once it happens then it's probably just about getting into a habit of thinking yes...

I sympathise, I hate being alone at night. My hubby has never had another partner but he has worked away from home a lot this year and I have had to get used to him being away 6 nights out of 9. I always used to have insomnia whenever he wasn't there and feel desperately lonely and afraid. This...

Honesty doesn't have to be brutal to be complete. At no point have I neglected my husband's needs or said that we needed to move to an open marriage. I told him I had feelings for someone else. That was it to begin with. He then started trying to think of ways that would be acceptable to him...

Lying by omission is still dishonesty.

I was very jealous when my husband wasn't being totally honest with me. Insecurity is inevitable when things are being hidden and games like this are played. Have you not ever wondered if maybe it's the fact you aren't honest that keeps your wife trapped in jealousy? Once I had a couple of...

That's not really an agreement if you haven't talked about it. I don't understand why the problem with negotiating things now? I had been monogamously together with my husband for 11 years when I told him Iwas developing feelings for his friend. We took our time and talked lots and I agreed...

It sounds like you're doing a brilliant job of communicating with each other openly and kindly and respecting each other's feelings :-) yay!

They might find some details fine most of the time and yet other times find it difficult to hear. This doesn't necessarily translate to not wanting to know, nor does it mean they're being unreasonable or are not ok with what you are doing. For an example, I have no problem with my husband...

Seems to me like honesty and not deceiving your partner ought to be more important than whether you classify your additional desires as wants or needs.

If your husband doesn't even know anything is wrong he doesn't have the chance to try and help any of you out. You said in your first post you wished he could help pick up the slack but you haven't asked him? Radical (but kind) honesty about all our emotions, desires, needs and reactions has...

I think speaking up about what you need from a relationship is owning your own shit. And there is no law that says that you aren't allowed to go through phases of needing more reassurance or time with your partners. Healthy relationships require people to ask for what they need and desire and as...

Speak up. You have needs and are allowed to voice them and you can do this without denying another person their feelings or accomodations. It sounds like maybe focussing on your relationship with your husband right now would be the best way to stabilise the whole structure if that's what you...

I don't think I would love my husband if every memory of him was gone. I feel sure however that with time together I would grow again to love him. I also know that with enough time together I grow to love others.

I think we start off with someone new as just another person, not unique, having a unique collection of aspects but we could just as easily have met and fallen in love with someone else with a similar or different collection of attributes. It's when we start to interact, we build up a history...

Ah but as the initial talker, you then have to be able to listen compassionately to your partners honest responses... ;-) In truth, there's never one talker and one listener, in every conversation both people have to do both jobs well for a favourable outcome.

I consider myself radically honest in my marriage, I first heard the term in the Marriage Builders materials 7 years or so ago and have tried to stick to it since then, I think successfully. I absolutely think that honesty should not be used as an excuse for meanness, there is always a kind and...

But you could equally argue only parents ought to keep things secret 'for their own good' and I would probably argue that one isn't a great idea either, mostly secrets seem to cause harm and we're learning over time that even children do better when given full and honest answers (though age...

I find it interesting that people liken it to using the spouse as a priest, I guess the other option is to think of it like confessing to the police. I guess it depends whether you think once confessed the confessor should expect absolution or whether they should expect to have to do the work...

I'm a little late but I vote for confess in both scenarios. It's incredibly condescending to decide for someone else what they can or can't handle hearing in an adult relationship. They have the right to choose their path through life with or without you based on accurate information. Like...