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I'm sorry for disappearing on this conversation. I've been processing a lot of what has been suggested to me and have been trying to sort it out in my head. I've had a few talks with my husband about it and have a lunch date with my bf tomorrow, and hope to talk with him. I want to clarify a...

Thanks for the feedback. We don't really have "rules" like that. If there doesn't seem to be time planned for the 4 of us to get together, he and I don't hesitate to plan time for the two of us--usually an afternoon out hiking, skiing, meeting for lunch, or whatever, depending on the season and...

I always feel bad that I only seem to land at this site when I need advice, and this time is no exception. I haven't posted in more than a year, I don't think. Anyway, quick rundown: I am one of the females in an exclusive quad relationship made up of 2 married couples. Our quad has been...

For those of you who are in a committed marriage but are also in a poly relationship (or your spouse is), do you think that polyamory is BENEFICIAL to your marriage? Why or why not? I'm especially interested in knowing in what ways you find it to be beneficial, assuming you think it is. Or, do...

Jay isn't unfeeling at all. He loves me and cares about my happiness and I actually have no doubt that he and I could negotiate some sort of agreement so that L and I could continue our relationship. But I do think that would be very hard for him. He has a far more conservative and traditional...

I need some help and advice defining exactly what it is that is going on in my head and my heart. Too often I feel like I'm just this chaotic jumble of emotion, and other perspectives are really helpful to me in sorting that out. I suspect that I need to make some modifications in how I handle...

Hi Steve, I'm so sorry you are hurting and so sorry this has happened. As you know, your girlfriend and I were talking for a while via email. I lost that account (which I used only for communications like this) in a computer crash early in the year and haven't talked with her in months. I'm...

Pretty much the identical situation here. I'm part of a quad that is nearing the 2.5 year mark and still strong. We too are "making it up" as we go along. It hasn't been without its challenges, but I wouldn't change a second of the journey. Feel free to PM me as well, if you ever want to talk. I...

Thanks so much for all the responses to my original question. I've come back periodically to read them and have to say that this response from Nycindie hits closest to what I was trying to say. I've thought a lot about this and in the end I don't "identify" as poly, rather I have come to...

A poly quad as well. In an exclusive (polyfidelitous) relationship for 2+ years. Following Steve's example, I may put this in my sig file eventually, but for now (fake names): Jay - my husband for 20+ years Lee - my boyfriend for 2+ years and Kay's husband for 15+ Kay - Jay's girlfriend and...

Sorry. I haven't even read the whole thread yet. But wanted to break in and say while this may generally be true, it isn't always the case. My husband and I have been in a very strong poly (polyfidelitous) relationship with another couple for well over 2 years now. As the relationships deepen we...

Thanks Marcus. Generally I agree with you, though you'll just have to trust me on this, I am anything but whiny and entitled and surely didn't grow up that way. I also do believe I am living as a fully functional and independent adult. Just one who has found herself in circumstances she never...

Three of us could. My boyfriend would absolutely, positively lose the career he loves if he ever came "out."

Why Poly? Why would you choose this? This is kind of a weird question, but having finally come to accept that I'm polyamorous (it came at me unexpectedly and almost accidentally)... and as a practicing poly person who is just this week celebrating two years in a quad relationship (we are two...

My bf and I had this very same discussion last weekend. After almost 2 years, our relationship is real and meaningful (not just for the 2 of us, but for our whole quad), but we have no choice but to keep it a secret. Even a rumor of it could lose him his career. We have many of the same friends...

I haven't read through all your responses yet, but I feel compelled to answer anyhow. I learned I was poly and learned about poly at the same time, when I "fell for" the man I was supposed to be swinging with. My husband and I briefly experimented with swinging after 20+ years of marriage before...

Thanks for the replies. I just saved that article to read later tonight when I have more time. It looks like there could be a lot of useful advice in it. I'm not really sure what boundaries I think we'll need to create. Maybe none. I think I'm most concerned about different expectations and...

I'm a business owner and professional. My husband is blue-collar. Married 20+ years, we're very responsible and live the "typical" middle-class lifestyle, or at least what likely appears that way from outward appearances. The couple we are involved with are both professionals, as well. We all...

Okay, so we aren't actually moving in together, but close. For going on two years now, my husband and I have been in a quad relationship with another married couple. None of us would have called ourselves polyamorous before. We didn't even really know what it was. We still don't really label...

Thank you for that perspective. Absolutely! And of course I agree with you. The "choice" in this matter would never be made individually. Because we are now very publicly "linked" as best friends, one of us being "out" would by association out the rest. If any of us were to do that it would...