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Learner I think you like to learn!

Thanks Kevin Thanks Kevin Your post is very thoughtful thank you. Gives me much to think about. It seems very sound.

Shooting the horse Thanks for quick reply you are giving me strength Problem is he's told me his life is over if he loses me and that he does not think he can get through this time Your "Shooting the horse" analogy may not be an analogy In this case :(

Ty student of life Ty Student of life I did ask him last night to let go of his dream as I can't be part of an unhealthy relationship that would also make me unhappy I also asked him if he would knowingly continue to ask me to participate if I am going to be unhappy See my last post for...

Letting go Thanks galagirl Your guideposts are very helpful I am willing but I am not joyful I cannot say this has been healthy for anyone and I have no idea how to make it so He went to see a therapist last nite.... Before he went I asked him to look inside and think about letting go ...of his...

Again Been a while friends here is an update for any interested. The wife moved out. He continued to pursue me while also going to therapy to help him thru their seperation He decided I should live with him for 2 weeks in his country to see how it felt. I've been here 10 days. The first...

:( Thanks Anne The journey has been arduous and sorry for not being clear about the past...the triad is old news and nothing I want anymore with her...I brought it up because I don't think he ever let it go even though he said he did- he doesn't give up what he wants easily. Still no contact...

Love this way is so complex I think I'm just ready to admit that love arrived at this way is just so complicated and we cannot simplify anything here, including how to count a decade. I ask myself how and why do I keep going with such ever expanding complexities of the heart- is it really...

What r u suggesting? Thanks Nondy Hard to filter with such different points of view here. Sounds like you are suggesting that I could consider that even if he always stayed Married and loving her that we could still work? I didn't consider that because she is opposed to a triad with us as...

Accomodation Hi Nondy. She doesnt want to lose him but he made a choice. He had to choose one or the other because poly doesnt work for her in an equal triad. She just doesnt want it. I wanted it earlier this year and was very willing, but she admitted she was just accomodating him and...

yes Yes....57 years old. Does that change your POV?

Hi, Random. How much experience did this couple have with secondaries before you came into their lives? Is Naomi experienced with secondaries falling in love with her husband? To me, you made two very important comments that need to be explored with Sam: 1. I think Sam feels offense that I am...

No small thing Thanks Annabel. Its really really hard to say if that is right. If I trust him I must believe what he tells me and what he tells me is that he loves and wants me more, but that its been very painfully extracting himself from a 30+ year marraige. She is moving out next week...

Played Boring Guy I totally didnt get your sarcasm but now I do when I re-read. haha. Whew. And I made the same guess as you. I did tell him that I also need to do some thinking because this changes things. Thanks for your perspective.

Thanks Novmber Rain I agree the efforts took a long time...I would have preferred he ride in on a Whitehorse but I try hard to understand how hard this must be for him. Friends with benefits is interesting but I'm fully in love w him I know I'd be settling for a partial relationship and unable...

Hard for him Thanks boring Guy. I do know how hard it is for him. I hear about it frequently and i don't usually ask any questions I provide support. It's just he convinced me he was leaving the marraige earlier because he didn't love her anymore and hasn't in a long time. Now he's in love...

Thanks. Thanks for all the response. He is making great efforts to be with me. She is moving out next week. They are separating. He has told his adult children about it as well. He flew to see me this past weekend and we have a lovely amazing visit. However, when I asked him the other...

Update to my update I meant to also add, her not being poly is not the only reason for divorce. He is no longer in love with her and says he is in love with me, and loves they way we challenge each other and approach the world with creativity, intellect, conversation and many other things.

Update Hello everyone I thought I'd update you. Its been since June I posted and much has happened. My guys' wife moved back in with him and I didnt hear from him for months. It had been the worst 3 months of my life, I was severly depressed and was just coming out of my fog with some...

Just read your thread history HI Dragonfly. Ignore most of my questions from the last post. I just read your threads. Wish I'd seen them sooner. Hugs you.