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Thanks NYC Thanks NYCindie Just read up. Great perspective on what I may have been in for had I moved to be with my guy. I cant imagine Dragonfly's pain of having moved then had it go south:( Well I can, but I want to hug her!

Similar Experience Dragonfly wow. I didnt know you had this experience. The fact that you actually made a physical location move made it so serious. Did you know before you moved that it was going the way of secondary instead of coprimary? How long was your relationship before you realized...

Thanks NT. Yes Co-primaries I decided would have been the best way to make a triad work. I tried to make her see I could complement, not take away from her life. A friend, confidant, financial burden sharer. She didnt have many friends to talk to. I offered to come see her, take her on a...

"This is just stupid." Bookbug you said it so well below. really nailed it. How do you get over someone when there wasnt anything between yourselves that went wrong? I'm trying really really hard because I know if I don't, i'll ruin my life. I have a lot to offer the world and a...

Strange Hi NT, Strange I havent checked the board in a while and did today and saw your nice note. TY so much. The pain hasnt gone away and peace has not yet come, although I'm at the 30 day mark. i feel altered in some deeper way than a usual breakup. I'm trying really hard to get to...

Its over Thanks to all that helped me. I'm very sad to say it didnt work out very well. In fact its over:( She (his wife) was on leave for stress and calming a bit. I tried a few times to suggest pulling back (leaving the relationship), but we kept talking more as three, he didnt want to...

he wants us to meet Pretty close assessment except I was and never have been jealous of her. And I'm not sure she ever had much NRE for me..but we have been friends. I think once it went past "light and fun" (which was pretty quickly), she came along because she didnt want to lose him. And...

update Thanks Dragonfly. have taken some time for emotions to settle. he feels we 3 should meet to talk together (he, I and her). He feels its best to do this in a low key way, without actually discussing all the drama at hand, maybe to do something together (virtual yes, but we are used...

The majority of the relationship has been virtual, We met online and didnt live nearby, but meet in person from time to time. Thanks. The majority of the relationship has been virtual, and we decided to move forward by having us all live in the same town. She is very anxious to leave her...

Feeling very dark today Thanks Mag, A few family and friends know, but generally its been kept very discreet. We have not shared holidays together either. We were in the process of defining all of these kinds of things as well now that we decided to take it to the next level of triad or V...

Reply to MAg Hi Mag, they are separated due both to need for space and a job opportunity and we all have grown children. We all have separate residences right now but that was supposed to be temporary. We were trying to work towards resolution of where/how to live when all this blew up this...

Similar Experience Thanks Bookbug. Yes your experience seems similar except you got out at 1year...we tried to end it earlier. I broke up a few times in the beginning because of her pain...then he did a few times...we kept finding our way back (always him or him/her saying she was open too)...

mapped our needs Thanks Anne He did a wonderful job mapping our each of our needs, desires, and the options in front of us. They have talked at great length. When she realized my need to be equal, she refused and he ended the marraige. But the pain was too much for both of them so the new...

good question. good question. We did try it once (his compersion), but it tore him up and I wasnt really present with the other folks. And I really do like her and am able to be content knowing just the 3 is the limits of the relationship. We all agreed the relationship is already so...

Thanks for the hugs Thanks BD. Hugs work today:) I think you got it right. It already feels like a break up and its only been a few days that we havent talked while we make these decisions. Finding it hard to stay cool, the notes from everyone here are helping. Re: being or not being...

I do feel poly with them Thanks Derby. Yes I've been monogamous all my life. I do feel poly with them which suprised the hell out of me that i was/am that open. It just has to be that I'm equal. Being a secondary sucks I think unless I could also have others to fufull the unmet needs due to...

Hi thanks for the sentiments, I am not as sweet as everyone thinks I am;). Anyway, the fact is that I'm deeply in love. I've bonded with this man in many intense ways, heart, mind, soul, body, intellect, creativity, challenge, we compliement each other so well and I we have a soul connection on...

I could go "on hold", except for 2 things. Hi Drtalon I could go "on hold", except for 2 things. First, I have been on hold pretty much for years already. There is always something keeping us from making a stable relationship (her search for work, his loss of job, his search for work, a...

My virtue is my vice...patience. Thanks RedPepper. I've only recently realized that being a secondary is not for me. My virtue is my vice...patience. he tried to leave her twice already, but went back immediately as the pain was too much (I didnt ask or ever suggest he do that, and in fact...

Does stating my needs mean i forced him to "choose"? Thanks Stixish. Yeah its a miserable place for him ...I hate he's going through it. But this is the first time in 5 years I've actually firmly stated my needs. If stating my needs (no more limbo, and no treatment as a "secondary) is...