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I think we are in agreement — we are both saying that the dominant and submissive partners give each other equal but different energies and I don’t consider ownership passive either. You had asked how I can only feel like I own him if he is sexually monogamous, since I am having sex with two...

Thanks. The parenting analogy helps a little. I have read Power Circuits. It didn’t help me, personally. The focus was much more on the submissive not wanting to share the dom than the reverse. It was interesting, but I didn’t glean any helpful insight from it.

I don’t really understand what you mean. To my mind, there is an inherent one-sidedness to ownership. I give him a lot, but I have never given him monogamy because that has never been part of our dynamic. He has always wanted me to have control over him sexually — orgasm control, etc — and so...

Yeah, to me, there is no way for him to belong to me while he has independent relationships. But every time I bring up the idea of doing away with the D/s dynamic and focusing on egalitarian polyamory, he says that he sees no inconsistency and feels just as much “mine” as he ever does — even...

I think it isn’t so much a feeling a fear so much as it is just general discomfort and....annoyance? I suppose maybe those are masking feelings of fear, but the way that it plays out in my head is more of a feeling of frustration that he still wants to say that he “belongs” to me when there is...

I think that it is a matter of not feeling as special anymore. Part of it is our D/s dynamic. When he looks in my eyes and says that he belongs to me, it feels false -- or, at the very least, it feels different....and different in a way that feels like I have lost something. He says that to him...

Thanks everyone. Yeah, it feels like growing pains around the change in our situation. We had a good night last night though. I think it will be okay, we just need time. I’ve used that jealousy visualization exercise that Tinwen mentioned before. I think where I get stuck is the literal moment...

Has this happened to anyone else? One of my partners (Ponytail) recently became sexually involved with two of the people he had been dating. Since the start of this shift, I have been feeling weirdly resistant to having sex with him. I will get all excited about it, but when we are actually...

I really feel for you. If you look back though my old posts, this is similar to the relationship arc that I experienced with Ponytail. We are still together and doing very well now, but it took a lot of me standing firm on what I wanted for myself in the face of Ponytail’s crippling depression...

We talked Just to update — we talked about it this evening. I kept it light at first and teased him about how weird and awkward he was being and he laughed and then I was more serious and I explained that I needed him to be a little more transparent with me. He said he was overwhelmed by...

No, we don’t live together. We have talked about it a lot over the last year or so, but we live apart. Yep, this is how it feels to me too. I have scheduled a time for us to talk about it.

It’s a different mindset for sure. I am on the complete other side of the spectrum — I wouldn’t want my partners to complain about me to their other partners, but I find it flattering when I get hints of the fact that Whisker’s talks to his wife about me, asks her for advice on how to navigate a...

So many updates... It’s been so long since I have posted here. Here are some updates: Kippah Things ended with Kippah a couple weeks after my last blog post. Her messages had been getting more intense, longer, more emotional. It became clear that she was feeling far more attached than I was...

Update Thanks everyone. I tried to just blow it off, consider the source, etc. but it was still bothering me after 4 days or so and so I went ahead and met up with him and told him how I was feeling. It worked out well. I didn’t even have to explain very much — he understood right away why it...

Thanks everyone. Yeah I am definitely *letting* this get into my head, and GalaGirl you are absolutely correct that this is a pattern that I let myself get swallowed up in. As far as whether he is playing head games, I doubt that he was. I don’t think he ever intends to be hurtful — he just...

I am feeling inadequate sexually and I don’t know where else to turn. I don’t really have a “question” but if anyone has words of wisdom or support, I would appreciate them. I am feeling really depressed today because of a conversation that I had with Whiskers this past weekend. We had just...

There are gradations of attraction, of course.....I never believed that people found me actively unattractive....just that they would *prefer* me if I were thinner.... This mindset is probably all stemming from a comment that my mom made to me a long time ago: “you’d be absolutely beautiful if...

I think I am attracted to both — I am attracted to people on an emotional and intellectual level, but I am also attracted to their bodies on a physical level. What I was saying above is that I don’t have the type of body that I am personally attracted to....my body is soft and lumpy. My whole...

How old are you and how old are they? I ask because you refer to the man as “the dad” at that is concerning. Age gaps can be fine, but age gaps coupled with unicorn hunting would be a red flag — it increases the power dynamic. And you already have a significant power dynamic at play in that...

Smitten I am feeling smitten....and polysaturated. Smitten because all my partners are awesome....and my new potential makes me giddy. Polysaturated because I am SO tired. Four sweeties — even if I don’t see them often — really is a lot more than three. I feel like I barely texted any of my...