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I suppose you are right that it is silly for me to be “confused” about why they would stay if they are in fact in love ....I suppose maybe I assumed that someone would know about the antagonistic metamour (particularly if it is their partner’s spouse or longer-term relationship) early on enough...

This may seem like an odd question, but I am often confused by the number of people who seem to put up with strained/antagonistic metamour relationships. I know that people often post here when things are *not* going well, but I am just surprised by how many poly relationships seem to have been...

Uh oh....should’ve planned ahead Ponytail cut his hair. It actually happened a few weeks ago but I just realized today that his nickname feels less appropriate now. Ironically, Whiskers is growing his hair out and it is almost long enough to wear it in a ponytail.:rolleyes: What if Ponytail...

Thanks for clarifying the difference. I am a little less feverish today so I am going to attempt to make a different comparison — I have never gotten the “do you all sleep in the same bed?” question.....perhaps because I do not cohabit with any partners other than my husband. I have gotten the...

I ask that sometimes! I just find it interesting how people choose to sleep — has nothing to do with sex for me. It’s funny because one of my partners gave me a “oh that’s so sad!” look when I told him that my husband and I have separate bedrooms....but he is part of a cohabiting V in which only...

I agree with GalaGirl’s posts — particularly the second one. I would love it for Whiskers and Ponytail to get along. I would love to be able to casually hang out with both of them. Whiskers would be comfortable with that dynamic too. But that’s not what Ponytail is comfortable with and I sure as...

And baby makes 5....well 5+ Last weekend Whiskers and I had our last official “date” (as in a night out) before the baby arrives. We have one more stay-in date planned for the week before the baby is due, with the assumption that it might get cancelled if the baby comes early — or Curleycue...

I have never in my life peed in the shower, but even if Dagferi does, the statement still stands....if you can’t shower in peace then it doesn’t matter if you pee in the shower, you won’t be able to pee in peace either.

Agreed! I was home alone all day with my young children yesterday and I was ready to tear my hair out. And I don’t even have to do that every day.

I have two perspectives to offer: First of all, when I started being poly my kids were 4 and just-turned-2 years old. Finding time away from them was hard, but my boyfriend enjoyed spending time with them and was more focused on spending time with me than on having all that time be...

Forgive me if this is answered in another post, but when you say triad, are you in a romantic relationship with Angela? Or are you more like just good friends? I ask because some of the things that Angela is saying sound super hierarchical, but also....dominant? Do you have a...

Well that was not exactly what I expected... I was feeling really emotional today and texted Whiskers to ask if I could stop by for a hug. He was enthusiastic in his response and, on my walk back to my car, I suddenly was just feeling so overwhelmed by my feelings that I decided I wasn’t really...

Oy. Sounds like that guy and I would be a terrible match. ;-) I really do appreciate you and breathemusic challenging me on some of my assumptions and expectations. The process of trying to define what a “deeper” relationship alone looks like really made me reflect on what I have with Whiskers...

Hmmm....good question. I think that to me, deeper relationships are ones where you care about the person beyond the general polite surface level. You ask them how things are going in their life, not just what they did that day. You smile when they walk in the room because you are excited to see...

What do you mean by entanglements? Yes, I want relationships that are fun, but I also want relationships that involve affection and emotions. That doesn’t seem like a lot to ask and it certainly doesn’t strike me as being necessarily time-intensive or exhausting. To me, I am already doing far...

Really good points. Thank you. I feel fairly confident that he still doesn’t want this relationship to be more than “fun.” He used the present and past tense to describe what he was looking for with regard to his relationships (outside of his marriage). I don’t think he has a “problem” with...

He told me in our conversation that he had never wanted or expected our relationship to be deeper than it is. He said he wanted to have fun and have sex and spend time together and that’s all he was looking for. You are right that he never told me that he thought it was terrible for me to care...

What do you think of this? Ok, I think this is what I want to tell him: I am a sensitive and deep-feeling person. And you are awesome. [Insert things I admire about him]. And so I love you. It is not a surprise to me that I love you — being a deep-feeling person and in a relationship with...

I think that the part of this that I haven’t talked about as much here is how anxious I have been in this relationship and the degree to which not being able to read his facial expressions or hear him express any affection has affected me. I described it to him as having “first date jitters” for...

I honestly think it is a feelings issue rather than a behaviors issue. You are right that I would expect him to act in a certain way if he loved me. But that isn’t all roses and statements of affection....it’s body language and the way someone smiles. There really isn’t anything I want him to...