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I think yes, and this is why it is so hard. When I picture my life 5 years from now, Ponytail is there — playing board games with me, going on vacations with us, embarrassing my kids at parent night. And when I picture our lives after breaking up? It’s just an empty black hole in my...

Thank you. I need to be told this.

I feel like shit Ponytail and I talked again yesterday. It was awful. We cried. And cried. And there were moments of clarity. And there were moments of so much pain and confusion. I feel like I am torturing him. The idea of breaking up with me is too painful for him to do. But the idea of...

😔 I’m so tired. Ponytail and I finally had our therapy appointment. It was okay, but it was also kind of a little awful....okay because I thought the therapist was decent, awful because I am annoyed with ponytail. First of all, Ponytail was already upset before we even got there. This...

Update! It went well! I feel so much better when I am with him in person that I nearly talked myself out of the conversation, telling myself it wasn’t necessary, etc. But then I remembered that if I didn’t talk to him about this now, the insecurity would just build up again..... I brought it...

OMGeebus, yes. I have *never* been a phone person. I didn’t get a cell phone until I was 20 or so, but even before then I never picked up a phone and called people. I remember talking on the phone wirh my first boyfriend (in 8th grade) and wanting to poke my eyes out. It wasn’t that I didn’t...

Oh man. The thought of calling someone on the phone is terrifying. ��I should ask him how he feels about phone communication — everyone I know in my generation/region is terrified of phone calls and always lets it go to voicemail. I suppose not everyone operates that way, but...

I think my biggest fear is that he wouldn’t see himself as trying to let me down gently, and might resent that assumption. I think he does want to keep seeing me — he maybe just wants to put in a minimal amount of effort? He likes me and enjoys spending time with me, he has said as much. I...

Definitely I need to overthink less. And yes, that is the focus of my therapy right now. For what it’s worth, it’s really hard to clarify anything in the moment with him because he is a terrible texter. So I can ask him a question and it is totally normal for him to not respond for 24 hours...

You’re right. It’s not hat I feel comfortable being vulnerable (although that’s how my therapist framed it), it’s that I feel comfortable showing my feelings. I should maybe frame this more as “I tend to be pretty comfortable taking initiative and showing interest, but this can leave me...

Thank you! This kind of simplification is exactly what I needed.

Okay, so here are some of the thoughts I have so far... obviously the conversation will flow as it will need to, but these are the thoughts that I have in my head for possible things I might say, depending on how things go. “I have a hard time reading you. In general, I tend to be pretty...

Yes, my plan is definitely to talk about it and to not have sex until I feel like I have a better understanding of what underlying expectations I have. Keep in mind, I am super inexperienced with this...I have only had PIV sex with two people...ever. And those were both long-term relationships...

I should clarify that I wasn’t worried that *he* thought it was too soon. I was just confused as to what I should do, given that I had assumed a level of investment that he isn’t ready to give and I feel awkward and weird to be “getting to know” someone at the same time as having sex with them.

You are all very wise. Thank you.

In relationships — poly or otherwise — is there such a thing as having sex too soon? I ask because I am confused about a situation I am going through right now. I am having a really difficult time reading Whiskers. He seems not that into me. I am finding myself pulling away from him because...

I see my husband every day. We go out on “dates” about once a month. I see Ponytail* 2-3 times per week, usually including one overnight. Most of that time is family time at my house. We go on “dates” maybe 2-3 times per month. I see Whiskers about once every two weeks and I think that is...

Yeah maybe. I really need to work on my insecurity. I feel like I project confidence but don’t actually feel it. I really like myself, it’s just hard for me to read the body language of others in order to know if they like me too. And so when a situation is ambiguous like this, I vacillate...

Thank you. I wish I had a better sense of not only what I want my relationships to look like, but also how I want them to feel. I feel like I am drawn to the “what does it look like” of a relationship with Whiskers (stable, relaxed, open, out, family-oriented) but less sure of the “how does it...

As my name suggests.... I am (you guessed it) emotional. Last night I went out with Whiskers again for the first time since we had sex and Ponytail broke up with me. I had contacted Whiskers a week or so ago, asking him if he wanted to get together at a museum. I hadn't necessarily meant it...