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Wow, Bluebird. I’m so sorry. I know you’ll rise (you really are SO strong), but that is some sucky shit. You and your family are in my thoughts.

Seconded. Many poly people never seek “interrelationships whereby everyone spends time together concurrently,” and that works just fine for us.

To me, the default expectation for privacy is that one-to-one communication remains private, unless there is permission given, or some overriding reason (i.e., a concern about safety), for the communication to be shared. I’m sure some people who prefer a hierarchical model allow/demand that...

Seven months is really fast for coparenting as well as cohabitation. It’s great that the coparenting is going well. It really sounds like you want to keep your own place for various reasons, and I think you could listen to those needs. My need for my own space isn’t as as specifically...

Yup

I don't know anyone's actual reasons in this case, but the fact that c makes both sounds in the one word is a good example of why I wish we only used s and k for their respective sounds. /kurmudjion

“Polya” So...it’s not just a textual abbreviation? Does it have a pronunciation? A nuanced definition? Zealous adherents? A secret handshake? Has polya taught me anything, if I don’t know what polya is?

It sounds like OP is aware that hierarchy may exist in some of his other partners' other relationships, and OP may hold a place (such as tertiary) in someone's hierarchical model, even if OP's own set of direct relationships is intentionally non-hierarchical (with respect to OP at the center)...

I heartily second all of Gala’s advice. I live somewhat like Dagferi. I also did an amicable divorce and retained the kids’ nest, with one parent continuing to live there full-time, as FallenAngelina describes (though our paper-only divorce happened when we were still very intentionally...

Good job asking yourself the tough questions. It sounds like you are so committed to fluid bonding that it outweighs the rest of your relationship with your loved one. Because condoms don’t always prevent STIs, you may find yourself facing this situation even with your loved one and her bf...

I didn’t grieve the fairytale of monogamy, and this question reminded me of a friend describing their transition to atheism. They described an abiding grief that left a painful emptiness. They didn’t regret the change overall, but certainly would have preferred not to feel the pain. Maybe the...

Yes, most people would recommend safer sex practices in general and in your specific case. You know that. And your Loved One and her partner know that. Your individual choices aren’t beholden to common sense or community consensus, so by all means assert and enforce your personal boundaries, as...

I’ll go a step further and say our own experiences, no matter how similar the specs seem, are not the same as others’. It may be easy to say what we would do or expect in someone else’s place, but we don’t really know where they’re coming from, and we can’t. My parents’ marriage was marked...

I used to feel pretty black and white about cheating, but now I think it’s too broad a class of behaviors within various circumstances to be that binary about it. There are different sources and degrees of harm, and sometimes black and white thinking leads to conclusions that increase harm all...

“Informed consent” keeps coming up. What do you mean by that in the case of a sexless marriage, ElMango? If Andy says she’s done having sexual contact with husband Bertie, then how does informed consent apply to what Bertie does with Chris? “Informed consent” sounds curiously medical for two...

Super-great news!! Love that the medical dates will coincide. So relieved for you all and excited for DarkKnight.

Your fish comment was “just” a figure of speech. Applied to women, after what you already said, was just basic misogynist bullshit. Many people here can offer advice to a person without classifying women as useless for advice and easy to manipulate into dating you. Which, yes, is objectifying...

I haven't ever counselled dictating what other people do with their bodies. That is heartening. I will maintain that careful thought and planning tend to yield better outcomes than poorly informed impulsive decision-making in a time of multiple sources of stress, where there's no actual...

Waiting until you've considered options and communicated expectations doesn't equate to putting a relationship on a pedestal. I do think ThinBlueLine has put their relationship on a pedestal, with the foregone conclusions about marriage and the desire for it to remain primary, but I don't...

Bringing it up doesn't make you responsible for her choices. She is running with it. She could own that choice instead of putting it on you. She keeps using that word. I don't think it means what she thinks it means. According to your reports, you are advocating for yourself, and she is...