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Okay, so nothing would derail this wedding, and marrying each other is of highest priority to both of you, regardless of the big question mark about what kind of marriage you want. I don't understand it, but I know how to logically toggle this to "already married, for all practical purposes." I...

What’s the emergency here? Why jump in now, Friday? With this person? A person going through a divorce is in a vulnerable place. People about to marry are looking at a huge life change. Why act fast without having sorted out what possible outcomes will look like and how you (everyone) will...

Same, only probably even more separate. There’s no “going between” because there’s no interaction, even indirectly. They’ve met a few times over the years. They can contact each other if the need arises, but it never has. I consider multiple people’s needs when planning my calendar, but that’s...

As usual, I think GalaGirl gives great advice above. But I’ll caution you that one possible consequence is your friend (the woman of the couple) turning on you when you tell her the husband propositioned you. She may not believe you that he propositioned you. Or she may feel she has to pretend...

Re: Tax Fraud I don’t have conclusions either way on the main issue, but the tax fraud has happened to enough other people (I know at least two) that I am perfectly content to assume it’s irrelevant to the case. It seems far more likely he’s fallen victim to this widespread fraud than that...

I’m with JaneQSmythe on this one. And to me, being disingenuous isn’t a violation. We can always assume that some takes are more informed or more biased without identifying people or hinting that we have info about someone that would change everyone’s opinion about the person if we shared it (a...

Why would you leave this as hearsay without a link to these credentialed opinions? :confused:

Please edit or re-post to include names (fake names!) for all of the partners, girlfriends, exes, boyfriends, and friends. I’m not sure if you’re talking about four people, or six. Eight?

I guess I’ve been in this sort of arrangement for (depending on how you count) 4-10 years. It’s boring, busy, fulfilling — we have all the standard family stuff, and not much extra for being poly. Woof and I had been together ~15 years with three kids when we decided to be actively poly...

Oh, good. I’m glad some of that was helpful.

Your situation (as Mags says) does sound pretty cool! Some parts sound so familiar to me. My older kids were/are homeschooled and we lived fairly unconventionally when they were your kids’ ages and younger. Mitch never identified as poly, but also never seemed jealous of my time with Woof. All...

You aren’t entering their relationship. You’re creating a relationship with him and/or one with her, and/or one that includes all three of you. You are a whole person and should have agency in all of the relationships that directly involve you. You might want to read Secondaries’ Bill of Rights...

Absolutely your wife could see another healthcare provider for better information. I don’t know where you are located, but here in the US there are several other options that your wife’s age alone wouldn’t rule out. I use a Mirena (hormonal) IUD, and have been very happy with it (I’m on my...

In our V, each adult carries their own health insurance (through employer or state). The guys have family policies which include only their respective children. I have a single person policy, as each of the kids is covered by their other parent. I’m not married (anymore), on principle, and the...

Who is the “family” and who are the “we” here? Are there children in this family? Are you including the wife as part of the family being created? If she’s hating it more and more, how can you say you’re creating a family and future together? Or do you mean that, despite her resistance, you and...

I already had older kids with Woof when Mitch and I decided to have a kid (with Woof’s full awareness and support). The little one and I move between our two homes, on a somewhat weekly schedule, but with significantly more time at Mitch’s. Neither partner is my prescriptive “primary.” Woof is...

I know of someone who used the term “was-band” for a husband-turned-friend.

It sounds like a lovely experience, a mature level of communication, and a mutual decision based solidly in the best information you both had at the time, and still have. Lots of things can be right about a relationship, but without key elements (such as being true to yourself and respectful...

FYI, it's "cis" - not CIS. I'm cis, too. "not yet old" probably means something different to each person that says or reads it. I hope you won't give up when you decide you are old. You don't have to find more that one woman to be poly. You can be poly and not dating, poly and dating, poly...

Yes, and on this specific idea it’s important to note some of that variety of opinion, both for the OP and for others reading this for ideas about their own situations. In general, “new partner as babysitter” is messy, and best avoided.