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I will say that choosing marriage after being poly does suggest that the two who are marrying actively embrace couple privilege. Philosophically they may see couple privilege as desirable, in fact that may drive the decision to get married. However, if they see couple privilege as problematic...

I don't think "married first, then married and poly" is inherently more or less understandable/reasonable/desirable/whatever than "poly first, then married and poly." People get married for all sorts of reasons, and sometimes for almost none at all. In my experience, I married my partner for...

As the partner who did a 180 (after about 15 years of monogamous marriage during which I was always explicitly free to seek other partners, without my spouse even requiring same freedom): Yes. This happens. Yes, time is hard to find in most people's lives. Capaldi may have felt this same...

As the person who used the term "string her along," I will apologize for extending my advice beyond the conversation you wished for advice on. My caution was general and forward-looking, and specifically couched within the possibility that you don't want a monogamous relationship with this...

If poly is non-negotiable for you, it's time to tell her that you really enjoyed your time together, but you aren't interested in monogamy, so you two aren't a romantic match. You've said enough about polyamory. She can learn more from other sources, if she seeks to. Don't string her along...

Literally my superpower.

Wow. I hope circumstances and communication help you pull this thing out of the fire, and that the relationship (and your selves) will grow and flourish with this newly focused attention. I selfishly hope for you to come back and let us know how it is going. Good luck!

This story just keeps screaming to me: "Believe people when they tell you what they want." Sure, husband could have done a better job of holding the line, instead of relenting and being cajoled further and further into accepting what he didn't want. But maybe he was believing what he was being...

Boundaries are about you, and are based on your principles. The things you describe here are rules, which are intended to limit partner behavior. Rules are okay if everyone agrees to them and follows them. But they tend to also be problem magnets. So tread carefully in proposing new ones. Maybe...

"Terrified"? "Could probably have survived"? It seems to me that you frame the new relationship as vital to your very existence, but pretty much take the marriage for granted. If you truly believe the new relationship needs constant care and feeding, and you don't understand that a relationship...

It certainly sounds like there is not a fit between your expectations and her behavior. You could sit down and process it with her, if you get the chance, given her busy schedule. But I wouldn't count on convincing her she should prioritize your expensive dates over priceless time with her...

No ACA where you are? Seriously - ACA helped me and Woof get to a place where the divorce we wanted philosophically would be "safe" and practical. It is *so* much nicer to be chosen family than to be legally encumbered with each other. And I'm still so glad we divorced when we still wanted to...

That the meta and partner are an established couple is stated in the OP. Meta having the "tell me ahead or send her home" veto does suggest that meta claims some of what's often considered primary relationship privilege, despite LDR. I don't see Vinsanity0 making any more specific assumptions...

Snooping is a violation. Lying, especially conspiracy, is also a violation. So, probably at least two people's expectations have been disappointed here. Take a hard look at your firm beliefs, and figure out when and why you make exceptions to these values -- you seem to excuse your own lies, but...

First, state an honest observation. "Constantly" is a word like "always" and "never." She texts more than you are used to. You think it's rude because ... it interrupts your time with her? She ignores you when you thought you were doing something together? Next, try telling yourself some corny...

Oops. A couple of years went by... Life got busy there for a while. Still is, really. How best to sum up, for anyone who is interested? Baby was born, and everyone instantly fell in love. Mitch is a doting father, and Woof loves having a little person around again. After an adjustment period...

Also interested in OP's story.

Nadya, It's good to hear you're finding support and working out everyone's needs and thoughts. I'm just a few weeks away from meeting the newest person we decided to bring into the world, despite our family (& age) situation varying from lifelong/default expectations and ideals. I'm so glad we...

The practical matters and lifelong commitment are really the thing we should all consider and weigh heavily when thinking about "having a baby" (which is really "bringing a person into the world with the assumption that we will be his or her family and support him or her financially...

I haven't updated because "life is fine" is such a boring story. I'm just into the third trimester of the pregnancy. We all have our quiet, content lives going on, and mine revolves more and more around the pregnancy. It's nice to have that focus, and to have time in my life to enjoy and...