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Thanks Bobbi for emphasising on the values and giving those tips with the practicing saying no Yes DADT doesn't work for me. And again standing for my boundaries and dealing with the consequences of following them through. thats a huge task which I will face in future! I will ask Nest: "Do you...

I need to at least ask Nest where is his limit of tolerance! And accept when he doesn't know, this I need to accept and I want to accept that. It was not always like this. I was like he needs to figure things out for himself, it's not my problem... But I need to accept reality n if he doesn't...

I agree I should just continue seeing both Nest and Lover if I like it, but I live with Nest, we're sharing a room, sharing friends and family... The dynamics in with Nest are more complex than just me deciding to continue n Nest just deciding if he wanna stay in this or not I fear.

Thank you for this insight... I'm wondering when do I know what is the ultimatum... I mean there are many ways of expressing, how can I identify it? When Nest has difficulties in expressing... Could I just ask for it? For example something like. This: "Do you want to give me an ultimatum? You...

Jah basically I kind of implicitly did this when they got a child, for a short time I just stopped seeing Lover, but I didn't communicate, so and again I need to work on communicating ! Now I know the word for it what I could not put in words back then... DADT thing as a policy ;)

This makes totally sense, I will try to apply this more in my life, n also accept that it's ok to say n do that.

When do we know that we really tried all our best to work things through??

Oh man, it sounds so logical n easy... I'm imagining saying this to Nest... n while thinking through this I always come to the point that letting go will also lead to suffering... At least at the beginning this I know for sure if I tell this to Nest... As he lives with neurodiversity he has big...

Wow this podcast was very helpful! Didn't know there is a word existing n a whole concept around it for thebsituation in which I'm part!!

And also I have another question: how to deal as a hinge with a situation that partners in the V doesn't feel happy in being in this? Is it my responsibility to brake up with one of them? Or is it their responsibility to decide if they wanna be in it or not?

Of course to prevent getting in that situation to know clear about boundaries, I got that... But wasn't there at that point back then and also I'm sure in future it might happen again that I just noticed later.

Is it that easy? I learned my lesson, that DADT agreements don't work for me. It worked for Lover. That's what he wanted... Back then, I also sometimes hung out with Lovers (now ex) wife, and it was very stressful... I felt and still feel that I was a bad friend or a bad person... although I'm...

Thank you @Bobbi, for your advice, that I share too much. I tried not to share any of this stuff for a few years, but it was making me feel very sad and locked up and disconnected to life and people around me and created fears which I had never had before. If, for example, a close friend had...

I am learning a new nice vocabulary. It feels way better to express than "have sex."

Nest wanted to know. He said many times that it helped him to know all the details. In between, Lover had another partner after his wife, and he told me about it. He also he told me that he didn't really clear things up with that woman about what she felt about me being in the picture. So, at...

You got basically everything right. Thanks for those suggestions with the counselor. I can maybe can suggest that to him, but money is a problem with us at the moment, so I don't think he will go for it. I wouldn't break up with Nest, for sure. I wanna be with him. This I know for sure. I think...

Thank you for the clarity. It is helpful to see those choices so clear in front of me... though sometimes they don't feel like actual choices, because I don;t wanna give up either of these relationships. The usual implication of no longer being compatible is that partners leave you, right? Or...

Hi Evie, It feels so good that I have written all this and I am very thankful to directly get a response to it!! I have never really talked about all this with someone who asks those kind of questions. I just talked with people who try to be understanding, but actually find it all very strange...

Hi People, I've been with my lover since 8 years, while he was in a relationship. His partner didn't know about me. I wanted to tell her, but he didn't want her to know. They had an agreement that he doens't tell her when he is with someone else. I respected that. It was a secret, but it was...