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I have been reading Bluebird's blog from the beginning for over a month now. Another forum member suggested one of her guys post his own blog, saying "we need more male perspective here". So I guess I took that to heart and will offer up my perspective on life and poly from a man facing 60...

You are probably right Opalescent. Growing up being bi-sexual in a small rural town has made me probably over cautious. You did risk violence if you were out about your alternate sexuality as a teenager/young adult. I do have a business here, but its wholesale, so probably no issue there. I...

I confess to not being an expert at abusive relationship dynamics. I have seen enough though. Oh sure there was a honeymoon period. And also the desire to control through threats of suicide, the physical abuse, then apologizing, then doing it again. Gaining control of her money, arranging...

I have known I was poly or could be for most of my adult life. Yes, its a life I could have led in perhaps some other location. I crave the connection and intimacy of more than one relationship. The time between marriages when I had a close girlfriend and a LDR at the same time was one of the...

Yes Spork, it is very pretty. Much like Colorado. Descending down Cabbage Hill and seeing the Columbia Basin spread out before you is an awesome sight. Unfortunately relocating is not an option at this point in my life. Life partner and I have a dream home here we spent 5+ years building...

Thanks Spork and IP. I do understand its impossible to ask "what women want" (title of a movie BTW). Maybe my style was ultimately incompatible with her need for dominance. However, it did bring out a side of me I didn't know existed, and I did enjoy being a bit dominant. It was very...

Thanks everyone for letting me process on here. I feel like I am surrounded by a group of friends, even though ya'll are strangers. What is bugging me so much is how hard it is to let this woman go. For purposes of discussion, I'll call her "Gone Girl". What started out as a flirtation and...

That is what really gets to me. How she can let this guy use her to send a threatening message to someone who has done nothing but give her kindness and caring. How fucking evil is that? It blows my mind. I thought she was a good person. Wow, was I wrong. Thanks for the recommendation...

Thanks Spork for confirming my fears. Now I know I am not over estimating the danger she is in. I hate being helpless to convince her of the peril. I strongly suggested she talk to someone like a best friend, her sons, a therapist, someone. Its the best I can do. If he ever comes back, I'll...

You were so right Galagirl, I should have listened to you. So after the boyfriend leaves I have lunch with the lady, a goodbye lunch. At the end we hugged, peck on the lips and "hasta la vista". It hurt and its taking me some time to process and let go. So today she calls me out of the blue...

When I was in college, I had an older married male friend who was quite the "ladies man". We were out drinking one time and he told me start out with someone who maybe isn't as attractive as you were hoping for, but start up chatting with them and work your way up. Sorry everyone if that...

Jealousy, like all negative emotions just plain suck. But the good news, they can be dealt with. For instance, how do you handle anger? When and what triggers your jealous feelings? That would be a start for some discussion. Details will help us all out in giving you advice. Matou

Hi River Goddess, I am kinda late to this party. But here's my $0.02 worth. One of the reasons he is attracted to her is because she isn't you. I understand you want him to be attracted to other people like yourself, who share your values, goals, etc. "a wonderful, beautiful, fun and...

Bravo Magdlyn! You took the words out of my mouth. I love our country, but sometimes its really hard to love it's people and their ignorance and stupidity. Matou

No, he isn't a good communicator. Frankly, he is pretty weird and for the life of me I can't see what she sees in this guy. I told her as soon as I could that day, but I don't think she got the message before he blind sided her when she got home. I guess they worked it out. Don't know.

Couldn't have said it better myself. Though I have been guilty of complacency & neglect.

Thanks GalaGirl & InfinitePossibility for your comments. I think your analysis of why he acted out is probably pretty accurate without me being in someone else's head. What really pisses me off about being threatened is this stupid story we grow up with about how a "real man" defends his...

Leetah, I am pretty sure the threat was directed at me. From what she told me a week ago, he has since "offered her an open relationship". But it sounded more like swinging together, than a FWB with me or anyone else. I think they are both pretty clueless what an open relationship really...

TenK, that is an interpretation I hadn't even considered. But from what she has told me about him, I think its a threat. I also think he is an abusive and manipulative creep from how he treats her. But that's their dynamic. Right now, we are on a platonic level. We'll see if that changes.

Apparently he is not on board. I didn't inquire much into their relationship and what agreements they had about seeing other/FWB when apart. I really didn't want to know (my bad). But I believe women should be free to make their own choices. I am more curious what people think of this idea...