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Hi Evie, I’m sorry you’re hurting. It sounds like being ‘secret’ is particularly hard for you ( understandably). I don’t have any advice but I’m also in NZ and have a similar situation with S , and happy to chat . Kia kaha Deenz

Primary partner and I have different styles , he leans towards KTP, I am more situational. K is friends with both Lee and Silk, and we have a KTP style with them, and he has the same with both his other partners , but I’ve chosen to have parallel relationships with metamours. It only causes...

@magdlyn thanks , Partner is very aware of my conflict avoidance and tries to make it easier for me - he defiant encourages me to speak up and come to him when I’m struggling. It is getting better with time. @Kevin T to be honest I’d rather have no contact but that’s not possible so yes...

That probably wasn’t very clear - it’s not an everyday of the week thing, so that’s not a problem,nor is basic polite - I just need to make that clear to him. When they want to spend time together I’m happy to go do my own thing, I don’t feel ignored if I’ve chosen not to participate either...

Galagirl ‘he's your date on this thing, it might be reasonable to expect him to say hi to his other people, but spend most of the time being PRESENT with you’ Yes that’s exactly it , thank you

Galagirl ‘That's nice. He can want things. You don't have to automatically do them just to please him though’ ‘He could expect "basic polite" should the occassion warrant it is fair. But best friends? Nope. That's not his decision. Who YOU befriend and bring into your inner circle is not up to...

majormerrick I don’t know about her , there’s a little bit of jealousy on my part but generally I prefer keeping relationships seperate, if it was someone I enjoyed spending time with yes - unfortunately not the case here.

Tinwen, thanks food for thought and I recognise that it’s partly jealousy and I’m working on that. And I’m very much a keep relationships seperate person, I only share very general information with K but he is much more comfortable with intertwined relationships. It’s not so much they want to...

I’m going to live with my primary partner in a few weeks time and would appreciate some advice on my interactions with his other partners. I’ve explicitly told him that I have no problem with him continuing those relationships , and we’ve talked a little about how to make time for that to...

That’s lovely @sunray. Wishing you a speedy recovery 😊

Sometimes I struggle to look past the hard and uncomfortable ‘work’ of being polyam, so this thread is for the things that make it awesome :) I’m grateful for DaddyK making time for us to spend the day together tomorrow even though he’s really busy at the moment, and for my partners checking...

Thanks @sunray @kdt26417

I've been lurking here for a while and have found many of the posts super helpful and insightful, while I've always considered myself non monogamous ( I first suggested it to boyfriend at 16 that we include other people in our relationship ) I've not been in a fully open ethical poly...