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Well, I just had the talk with my guy.... (For the backstory see my previous thread...."A difficult situation...new to poly") It came out in a weird way. He had asked me to do a favour months ago which I agreed to (back before he pulled some shit that was hurtful to me).... he asked again...

Hi Kevin - No, I don't think I want 100% freedom. I think I want a loving relationship, with reasonable limits on both sides and trust, honesty, and respect. I've never had issues with respecting peoples' limits because they just make sense to me. If my partner needed me to back off from a...

Kevin - wow, NRE can last up to 3 years? Really? I didn't realize that.... I always thought it was maybe like a 3-6 month thing. Galagirl, may I say that I love your no bullshit and insightful responses? :) I'd also like to say thank you to everyone for their thoughtful replies on here...

He just asked me to go see a movie. I hesitated on sending a reply and all I sent back was "Sure." I wanted so badly to say "I'd also like to talk. Preferably sometime when we're not drunk or tired." But I haven't yet. I'm having a hard time standing up for myself and my needs with him...

I don't know why I value the connection so much. When we met, we just had such great chemistry. I wasn't expecting anything or looking for a relationship per se, I was just doing my thing and taking care of myself. But we met and just hit it off and kept going. I hadn't felt that kind of...

Sure, based on how he seems like he is right now he doesn't want to commit to ANYONE - not her, not me. But, what if he decides she's awesome? What if he decides she's exactly what he wants? And he ends up having a long term relationship. I feel like this happens time and time again to me...

Yes... he is being very careless :( I asked him to get tested a few months ago, which he did. The only assurance I have from him is that "she said she's clean" but that doesn't give me much, I barely know her and he barely knows her. I feel like I need to go get tested now that I've been...

This is basically what happened the other night. I forgot to ask *before* sex even tho I brought condoms....he knowingly had bareback sex with me after having bareback with the other woman. And he only admitted to it after I asked him, AFTER I had sex and was feeling uneasy about it. A fuck...

And this, from the More Than Two website: "The rules need not be explicit; even breaking the tacit rules of a relationship is cheating. If you do anything you cannot feel comfortable telling your mate about, or if you do anything that you know would make your mate unhappy if he or she knew...

Thanks Karen and Kevin. I agree with what you and Magda are both saying. We actually aren't in our 20's…. I'm in my early 30's and he's 38. Yes, I know, it's a bit strange. I guess I'm just having a hard time extracting myself from this situation. Yes, I can aim to detach myself...

I'm new to poly, and have been dating a guy who thinks he may be poly for about 5 months now (he is also new to it and trying to figure himself out). I really enjoy his company, the sex and the connection we have. However I've been struggling the past month with trying to define and...

Update: Tried to have a conversation about what he wants last night. I'm still unsure what to think of this. But here's what I gleaned from it: -He's noncommittal right now (sounds like he doesn't want to commit to anyone; but I should have clarified whether he just means me or not, tho I...

Makes sense :-) He has acted quite loving towards me for the most part, however he seems to have some fear of commitment and emotional commitment (hence calling me a "friend" and being afraid that the term "girlfriend" automatically means we're monogamous; strikes me as a bit afraid of...

Agreed - I think it's clear that he wants to explore some kind of poly dating, however, it's unclear that if he wants a committed relationship, whether he wants it with me or not. Or if he just wants a more open relationship that's more sexually based. And I think since he's also still very...

Hi Karen - Yes, a level of commitment and potential for depth of feeling are definitely what I'm looking for! Just to clarify - since I've never really done poly dating.... Do you mean that it's reasonable that I would be looking for someone willing to have the same level of emotional...

Hi Nadya, thanks - that's a good suggestion and it makes sense, so that I'm able to better listen to him. What if he asks me for my thoughts though, in the same conversation? Should I put it off to another day? The reason I ask is because I have already asked him what he wants - his answers...

Hi Kevin, Thanks for your thoughtful reply, and the book recommendations! I've been reading quite a bit about poly in the last week, mostly on the More Than Two website and have found it really helpful. And thanks for the offer to let me post questions and get feedback on here. I've been...

Hi Karen, Thanks for your thoughtful reply, I agree with many of your points. "Chemistry is a mysterious thing and a good fit just feels like a good fit." Yes, I agree. I've felt really strong chemistry with this guy (more than I have with anyone in a long time) which is largely why I've...

Hi Nadya, No, we have never discussed being monogamous nor have we decided we are in a serious relationship. However, like I said to JaneQ the question has come up a few times in the past month of "where do we go from here?" He has also been the one raising that question, not just me. I...

7006 Hi JaneQ, Sure - that's possible. However, I'll point out that he has largely set the pace of our dating, as I was quite busy in the fall. And he has acted very "relationship-y" in my opinion. (Texting or being in touch every day or every other day, calling to talk on the phone...