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  1. R

    Help us define cheating/having an affair

    Thank you all for taking the time to help me out. Truly. Things will get better one way or another
  2. R

    Help us define cheating/having an affair

    She thinks that ENM people are more open-minded to new experiences, mono folks are judgmental and biased towards one type of relationship, and that other people on other forums probably have their own issues.
  3. R

    Help us define cheating/having an affair

    The apology email to the ex took a few minutes. It was a side thought and I wrote it, proofed it and sent it while at the airport. Apologizing to him was something I needed to do for myself. We’ve been with this therapist for a while now. I expected a certain amount of helping us say things in...
  4. R

    Help us define cheating/having an affair

    You made a ton of good points and gave me a lot to consider. I want to touch on this to say that sadly it took this happening to me in order for me to realize what an entitled shithead (my words) I acted like when I was “the other man." With her permission, I recently emailed her ex (they had...
  5. R

    Help us define cheating/having an affair

    Silly as it sounds, I posted on a poly board on my wife’s insistence that they would see her side more than the other ones. She didn’t like what Reddit had to say, and said to use relationship forums instead. She didn’t like what the relationship forum said, and she told me to post on a...
  6. R

    Help us define cheating/having an affair

    Are you spying on me? I’m covered in tattoos and have been a fighter for 20 years now. Dead right on that one. It started out harmlessly enough, with me posting on Reddit asking if I was an asshole for giving this guy a piece of my mind. My wife said that Reddit doesn’t count because they are...
  7. R

    Help us define cheating/having an affair

    Very clinical and succinct. Thank you Kevin, this is helpful.
  8. R

    Help us define cheating/having an affair

    She accepts it’s how I feel, but denies it was an affair or cheating. She seems genuinely sorry for lying to me, but I don’t think she’s sorry for hurting my feelings, because in her eyes, she didn’t do anything wrong (except lie). So if my feelings are hurt by her actions, and her actions...
  9. R

    Help us define cheating/having an affair

    The fact she felt the need to lie and go behind my back is where my distrust and sense of betrayal is rooted. We’ve discussed trying some new types of relationships when things are healthier between us, and I’m not opposed to investigating things with an open mind and heart. Unfortunately, this...
  10. R

    Help us define cheating/having an affair

    It never bothered me before because she had never lied to me about anything (so far as I know.) When she lied about going to his house for a massage, and I found out she wasn’t telling me when they were hanging out one-on-one, it changed something for me. She was also taking him to our date...
  11. R

    Help us define cheating/having an affair

    Thank you for taking the time for such a thoughtful and helpful response. I guess she has decided this wasn’t breaking our boundaries/agreement and I decided that it did. I’m 39, she’s 37. We’ve been together for 6 years, married for 4. She’s been the stepmom to my 11 year old daughter for 5...
  12. R

    Help us define cheating/having an affair

    Hey Everyone, TLDR: Can you help my partner and me define what constitutes “dating”? She wanted me to ask on some poly boards because you all understand different relationships, getting fulfillment from multiple people, and the nuances of things like this. We are committed and monogamous, but...
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