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Hey everyone, My wife and I are still pretty early in our open marriage / polyamory journey. So early, in fact, that we're not really sure how to define our relationship (hence my "/" in the above sentence). One of the things my wife, in particular, is struggling with is the "safety" side. I...

Hey WC, Do you think there could be a bit of an underlying disbelief (for you) that R is actually okay with you pursuing L, even if it's a completely unwarranted disbelief? Maybe it's something that you just need to work through with baby steps. Maybe as you pursue this activity with L you'll...

I guess I'm still just trying to get my head around the phrase "team dating". It sounds like maybe this is all dependent on what one is after in a relationship? For instance, I'm not really concerned if they're trying to protect their primary relationship, because I'm not really interested in...

Thanks for this insight, Marcus. Can you expand a bit on what you mean by "team dating power play"? This is the first time either of us have done this, so I am pretty inclined to believe they are being honest in their reasoning. I could be wrong, and I guess either way it will be a learning...

A little update. I communicated my concerns with her over text message (i.e., how I didn't want to audition for her husband before either her or I have auditioned for each other). This led to some pretty good back and forth over text. It sounds like we are going to get together later this week...

Yeah. This times a billion.

Yes - I should have been more clear. It's not that we're not willing to verify each other (as necessary). It's that we don't need or want to be involved in the details. So something more than a total barrier between relationships, but something less than a full fledged job interview scenario.

Thanks very much to both of you for your responses, breathemusic and central. It's helped me at least feel like I'm not totally inept in all of this. I had thought about this potentially being a way for them to be sure that I am in fact actually in an open relationship (i.e., they want my wife...

I'll provide more of the back story in my blog thread. For this I'll try to stick to the details relevant to the question at hand. If you're in an open / poly relationship. At what point do you think it is appropriate to meet the spouse of the person with whom you're considering a new...

Well this certainly isn't the heaviest or most intellectual topic I've come across on this board, but it's one that perplexes me nonetheless. My wife and I are slowly wading into open marriage. As much as I would like to make connections with other women organically, it seems like the online...

It seems like a key hurdle to overcome is the context. I could be wrong about this, but it seems like poly is so foreign to most people that, when you meet them outside of a poly context, they're a lot more likely to be taken aback by a proposition that boils down to, "Hi, I'm married, but I...

I'm very curious about this in general, but I'm specifically curious about those of you who have met secondary partners while you yourself were already in a primary relationship with another partner. And to be even more specific, I'm very interested in hearing experiences from people who have...

I've sat down a few different times over the past couple of weeks, intent on updating this blog, but haven't quite figured out which direction to go with a post. So I think rather than delaying it any longer I'll just ramble on some and see if I can figure out what I'm thinking. Regular old...

This seems like an area that can only truly be sorted out with more conversation and communication with this specific woman. I think there are some things in her initial reactions that raise flags. It's possible she has a worldview that predisposes her in such a way as to make a non-monogamous...

Again, this sounds a lot like my situation. My [very early] take on this forum is that most of the activity is geared toward those who are looking for or engaged in longer term, formal poly arrangements and less toward open marriages, casual sex, etc. But you can definitely find helpful insights...

Welcome to the forum. I'm new here also, and your situation seems similar to mine. My wife and I are in the contemplative stages of opening up a long-term monogamous marriage. I don't have a lot of insight to offer you in terms of actual experience with it as yet, but I'll be curious to follow...

We had another conversation, yesterday, related to our...transition? I'm not sure what to call this potential foray into non-monogamy we're considering. Transition seems a bit too certain, as though it's happening for sure. At this point it's more of a mutual contemplation, I suppose...

Thanks for the clarity. Am I hearing you correctly in that your concern is mostly with how their "closeted-ness" manifests in behaviour, as opposed to a theoretical opposition to it? I guess what I'm asking is, suppose a potential partner only asked that you keep overt displays of affection...

Thanks to everyone for these replies. Sorry I haven't been around for a few days to respond. This has given me a tonne to think about. One thing I'm a bit surprised by is the lack of comfort relating with others who are "in the closet", so to speak, about their poly. I'm taking this to mean...

This has been one of the things I have been mulling around in my brain as my wife and I continue our intermittent discussions about moving toward an open marriage. Neither of us have any potential new partners at hand at the moment, but I think that probably makes this the right time to be...