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I've been pretty down on myself lately, especially today. I came on here and read this and it was like the back hand of reality. The worst thing I'm realizing now, is that I DID model good relationship behavior for the longest time. When S met me, I was a role model in my community. I was...

Reading my post I realize that I guess this isn't really so much a polyamory issue anymore, but rather one for couples in long distance relationships. Gala, I know you were very emphatic about professional counseling, but I understand if this thread is no longer appropriate for this forum...

Hello everyone. I know it's only been two days, but they were rather long ones. Saturday, March 14 After my last post, I went for a run (no music). While running, I was rehearsing how a breakup speech might go with S. I also started imagining myself with other women. The more I thought...

Totally agreed, Angel. I live up in the frozen north of New England and last weekend was the first time in months we had temps above freezing. I've been running a couple times since then, and it's done a lot of good for clearing my head. I could just take some peaceful walks too.

Thanks for the points about enmeshment. If I find the opportunity to re-engage S in couples counseling (we had two sessions about a year ago, went pretty well) then I will use that as a starting point. I've learned a bit about enmeshed families during my academic career, but not that much...

Just got off skype with her. I discussed my want for her to not share any details, whether it would be until the next time we see each other or after I see my counselor. She didn't like it at first. She wanted to be able to call me the day after and tell me what new lines had been crossed...

Okay I definitely understand what you are suggesting except for one thing. My question was about my next planned visit with her, the 21st. I see my counselor the 27th. IF we see each other the 21st, are you saying that the healthiest thing is to not even talk about it then? Or, are you...

So does that mean not even discussing things the next time we see each other? My counseling appointment is the 27th, and we plan to see each other again the weekend of the 21st. Or, are you suggesting we don't visit each other until after my counseling appointment? Not sure how I feel about...

Sorry for triple post. Gala what you said about details has gotten me thinking. What we have is two types of details- nonsexual, and sexual. I don't want to ask omission of ALL details - I do want her to feel it's okay to discuss her life with me, after all, and I want that too. That stuff...

I would just like to thank everyone again who has invested their personal time into helping me out. It means a lot to me. I've got a lot to spill out, and I know that this community has been invaluable in taking some pressure off my loved ones. Short talks this evening with S - some texts...

Nycindie, that's a good point. I should have been more explicit. I like hearing nonsexual details about their relationship for these reasons- -I learn more about S -I learn more about her experience opening up -I feel like I am more involved in her life I like hearing sexual details because...

So, a bit of an update. I don't plan on getting into too many details about how my night went with her, but overall I'd say quite well. We spent much more time just having fun and being ourselves, and she lead most of the conversation regarding T and relationships. A few take home points -...

Kdt - the proposing thing, it's just to portray how I've felt about her for awhile. I would not consider proposing to her any time soon, and I never have because I wasn't sure she'd say yes. All said and done, had we not gone the opening up route (esp with LDR) there is a good chance I would...

No, thanks kdt, that's the stuff on my mind too. As for T and Mexico, he has mentioned a few times how he doesn't want to live there permanently (crime and such) , and wants to end up in the United States. Yes, I don't know if I would have ever been posting here if the LDR wasn't a thing...

HappilyFallenAngel - I agree with you 100%. I thought my last post was clear about that. Human beings, by nature will generally attempt to deal with stressful events in one of two ways. The first, which is preferred by males, is controlling the stimulus. Telling their girlfriends what they...

Wow, that's a lot of replies. Okay so I've been doing some thinking, reading, and some homework, and I would say that the term "polyamory" defined as "multiple committed relationships which are both emotional and sexual" is probably not for me. At least not right now, and not in my current...

Mag, I know, you're right... polyamory just seems like it's hard to define, and definitely depends from person to person. I honestly don't know if it's right for me. You're right, I am afraid about separating sex and emotions. I'm pretty confident in my own ability to do it by now, but I...

I actually doubt it will get to real sexual activity. Holding hands will probably be enough for one day. Either way, T will have to visually acknowledge "S and Smash are actually in a relationship". He agreed to S's polycuriousity at first, I think it's about time he stop trying to pretend...

Yes, "highlander" meaning a belief that possessive love is the only way. "If she truly loves me, she won't desire another man in any way". I hate possessive love. It's not for me.

Intentions and Actions Well here's what I understand each of us wants. I obviously want a full blown relationship with S. S wants a full relationship with me. She wants a more casual/sexual thing with T. We have no idea what T really wants. S said she wants to end things with T if he...