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Thank you for your personal story, KC43. :) In a lot of ways, I think we maybe screwed up and dove in way too deep considering poly is a lot more new to us. When we knew a triad wasn't going to happen, I think we really should have re-evaluated group visits then, and maybe approached them...

I have gently suggested it, but Farmer thinks it's going to hurt her regardless of when it happens, so he still considers it her decision, since he is fine with things, he believes she will tell him when she can't handle it. She is also bad at setting healthy boundaries for herself too, so I am...

Yes, I do agree with this and I get how that would be frustrating for sure. I did not limit that possibility, only suggested that so early in their relationship (only a few months in!) I didn't feel comfortable with a shared life together just yet, but I was okay with say, Farmer having a home...

Sorry... I guess I should have included some background, there is a lot in previous threads. Farmer and I have been together 12 years and always non-monogamous, though this is the first time it's been a more serious girlfriend, which was fine. I had encouraged it. Red is monogamous and long...

Hello! Some of you may remember my Meta-issues with Red not really being good with boundaries and having a lot of insecurities outbursts that resulted in me asking for no more visits in our (mine and Farmer's) home. I am finally feeling as if things are progressing well, with a few caveats...

Thinking polyamory will help/fix problems is usually mistake #1 people make. Better to have a stable relationship first and then transition to polyamory. Yes that means putting your needs on the backburner, but remember also that it would be temporary. Remember that co-dependency means that...

Thank you kdt26417! So far I have let Farmer explain things and it is up to him to decide how to deal with it now, though I have made some suggestions. He does give her a lot of the benefit of the doubt because her anxiety is bad enough to require medication, thus it's not really her fault...

Update! The weekend went very well. I had some pretty terrible anxiety the Friday night due to not sleeping well/nightmares, but all was smoothed over once I met with Farmer at the hotel we were staying at for the night (Red dropped him off just before we got there). The even itself was okay...

Oh that's great information... I love the metaphor for the toast haha! Thank you for pointing out that I'm still in the mentality of trying to reassure her to avoid trouble, as if I'm still responsible for how she might react. My guess is that she'll actually be on her best behavior because...

Thanks everyone, this is helping a lot for me to have things I can say and how I can deal with this moving forward. The trip is not exactly a 'group trip'. It initially was supposed to be, now Red and I happen to be going to the same event, which is a sporting event that we won't really have to...

Thank you GalaGirl! That toolbox is amazing. I like the 'medium chill' approach, if I do have to talk to her this weekend at all. I will work up the courage to explain to her, maybe next week after things have cooled down (if they cool down). Is there anyway I can tell Farmer I am worried Red...

Thanks all... I have had a few friends now suggest the same. I thought perhaps they were being generous to me because they knew me (often why I reach out to strangers, they have no bias to me and usually tell me if I'm the one not acting in a good way, haha). BPD does seem to fit; she often...

Farmer: My anchor partner of 10+ years; engaged and planning a life together that will soon include marriage and kids. The hinge of our V. Red: Meta, with partner since July; LDR. Deeply monogamous at heart with anxiety issues. Initially when this started, Red was already head over heels for...

I love this topic; I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I think you're right.. there's something about Western culture and capitalism that everyone seems to keep score with their giving and many people seem to think they've been taken advantage of... that they are giving SO much and getting...

I have to disagree here; I have had a few times in my long term relationship where my partner felt his attraction wane, even though our relationship was really good in most ways. It is definitely something that happens and not feeling attracted to your partner much can be a temporary thing due...

Following this post, because my meta is a lot like your partner. It doesn't seem to annoy our mutual partner much, but I worry about it a bit, mostly because I feel like I can't have anything with my partner without her either feeling left out or jealous and wanting the same thing. I'm trying to...

I agree with KC43. More details would be helpful! Not all situations are equal, as not everyone is okay with the same stuff; like the above example, some people would be fine with hearing details; or some partners may not want those details given out to the other partner. Communication about...

I guess it depends for me! My partner and I were very close friends when we got together, we already regularly told each other that we loved the other, and that the love was unconditional. So there was no 'who's gonna say I love you first and when' for us. I say to say it when you feel like...

Wow, I am so, so sorry you are going through all that. It is not heartless for you to break up with her while she is under supervision and you know she will be watched and safe. Regardless of that, how she reacts to the break up is NOT your responsibility, no matter what she will try to tell...

It's a toss-up for me. I prefer not sleeping alone in general. I can't 100% link the sleeping together as the source of the issues, or a trigger of them, just a pattern I'm starting to see develop. I have no idea if she has nightmares when she is alone at home, or on nights when she is alone...