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I missed this until someone quoted it. As the other side of this - I absolutely do not want my lover to attempt to manage my involvement or my attention for my benefit. I am an adult. It is my job to look out for myself, and how well or badly I do that is on me, not anyone else.

You can only give someone credit for unintentional harm so many times. You've seen a pattern. Do you want to live with that pattern? I wouldn't, personally. Well, when someone betrays your trust repeatedly, the problem you're having isn't struggling to *listen* when they say "trust me."...

BlueShoes - female, 40, recently divorced, cancer survivor (the "we have to talk about this before I take my shirt off" kind), two kids. Been poly all my life. Living and working in Greater Boston.

I'm in the opposite of your situation - I'm recently divorced, I have two kids, and I'm extremely happy dating a man who is married to a good friend. All grand for now. I'm happy with things as they are, although when I look at them, I know that one day I'm going to want to have a more primary...