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  1. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    We are not tit for tat swingers... nor couple centric... never have been, never will be. The majority of our playing has been MFM situations. Couples swapping is much more complex and difficult. We have done that many times, but it usually doesn't work for more than a couple dates... as there...
  2. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    It seems to be the opinion of most here.... that "how polyamory works" is not any set formula. Certainly "love" can proliferate in many different forms or ways. I don't see our case or situation as being any different. It may be different than how most people here have come about their own...
  3. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    Getting ready for the play night. Wife has agreed to have a talk with the other female about having me as a "hall pass" swinging partner to start things off. I do like her, and we have had some great conversations over the last week or so talking about all kinds of things. In the swinging...
  4. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    Really just here for discussion, sharing, understanding etc... not sure why all the bashing. Is it ok for me to discuss how I feel openly and honestly? Is it ok for me to not be thrilled with the potential pitfalls of poly? All I have to do is read some of the other threads on here and it's...
  5. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    I'm fine with her fucking other guys. Been doing that for years without issue. Falling in love with someone else? Sounds like lots of drama to me. That is what has created this mess in the first place. I didn't agree to that. I haven't fallen in love with anyone else in our 10 years...
  6. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    I think she wants to do this so she can have her way on her side. It's called compromising I think. It's not like she hasn't done this before... she pretty much ran the show on it for years (for us). This whole compromise thing has been her idea.... not mine. I just reminded her that "poly"...
  7. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    Wife discussed her latest offer. She says "I will swing with you, so you can enjoy the swinging lifestyle …. because you like that… and then each time we do that, I get a night with my secondary." This is mainly to give me time to find my own secondary… which I think would come from the...
  8. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    We are going to have some swinger friends over next weekend... this will be the first time we have played in several years. One of the single females that is coming over might be a candidate for a closer relationship. She is looking for someone and is having a hard time finding a compatible...
  9. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    I don't see it as using someone, it's just going to be some dating. Love happens or it doesn't. That can't be forced. But I do think it is important for my wife to understand the reality of the situation. For us both to. She is not going to be having sex with him unless I start having sex...
  10. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    I feel like I do have some openness to Poly, but I would need it to feel equal, or generally speaking. My wife is in love I suppose, and for me to fall in love with another (female) I would have to.... first.... spend a lot of time with her to allow love to happen. The Poly situation is not a...
  11. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    Here is a question.... What would be the most likely poly formation to have success? The most probable I suppose. For example.. two men, one woman closed?
  12. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    Just for clarity, when a relationship ends....is it always you that is ending it? If not, how can you feel valued if you are dumped? I suppose you could be dumped respectfully with good conversation and communication about why your former love is leaving you breaking off the love connection...
  13. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    But I don't know you.. don't see how your relationship is from day to day, nor do I know your partners or what they say about it. Like orange spotted owls in Madagascar. I believe they exist.
  14. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    Well, I love my wife and we have been very happily married for 10 years. She had an affair and wants to try poly, so I am not going to be totally inflexible, probably because of our extensive swinging background. There surely is crossover, and we know LOTS of successful swingers who have been...
  15. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    Polyamory by Ravenscroft is one of them..
  16. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    The book we have been looking at talks about "swinging" as a close relative to poly and discourages the poly community from "looking down" at those lowly swingers. I've been near poly a few times. Lived with two females that I had dated in the past in loving relationships. We ended up living...
  17. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    An update, Mrs Bella is still pushing for poly. She actually met with a friend of ours that we recently found out was poly and she gave Mrs Bella a couple of books on poly to read. The basic reaction has been that she prefers to make her own rules and not subscribe to some pre determined poly...
  18. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    Not derided, but it just sounds like married people who still want to date. Dating is just that.... temporary fulfillment until the person finds something more substantial.... a committed relationship. I don't have a lot of free time. I can't imagine dividing up my time with another or a few...
  19. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    I just feel that if she wants to get back into sex involving more than just two people, swinging is a better fit for us than polyamory. With swinging, you know how the story ends ... tonight... or until we all meet again. You can enjoy erotic variety and there is an endless # of potential...
  20. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    It should be a reminder that wife and I have been VERY experience swinger's.. so sexual jealousy won't be much of an issue. Leaving her after 10 years is not ideal nor would I do that easily. She has had a flawless record up until this point... no transgressions.... because we were swinging...
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