Search results

I’ve read Esther Perel’s book, Mating in Captivity, and agree that a healthy and sustainable marital relationship needs both stability and viability. We all need a harmony between security and excitement in our lives. At the same time, I’d be downright pissed if I was stuck being the anchor...

Because I communicate far better in writing than speaking, my therapist had me write up some paragraphs for her on some specific topics. With a little editing to maintain privacy, I'd like to share some of them here. Here's the first: Some marriages may operate differently, but in our marriage...

(Reposting something I wrote in an earlier comment. Would love feedback on it, if you guys don't mind.) Obviously I'm already well-aware of the strong push-back and hesitancy about hierarchical relationship structures within the poly community, which gives me even greater pause. If--and I do...

lol Cool. As I mentioned in an earlier thread, my wife prefers to play things close to the vest due to some stuff from her family of origin. As I said, we've made enormous progress in this area but it remains her default. So, I've been open about reading books and articles, listening to...

I just want to reiterate that I'm perfectly willing to stop swinging immediately and permanently if my wife didn't want to continue having sex with women. This isn't something I've requested, demanded, or insisted continue. I've even offered for us to stop (repeatedly!) and she doesn't want to...

Gonna preface my replies here by sharing that one of my defining characteristics is unabated curiosity. I just love learning new ideas and wrestling with thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and the like. For better or worse, I typically care way more about understanding than I do persuasion. Also, so...

If it's needed--and I don't feel it's needed--apology accepted. I just sincerely appreciate the humility and thoughtfulness with which you're interacting with me. It's really helping and I'm grateful. Thank you. Ah! Got it. Makes sense. Yeah, these number are obviously somewhat arbitrary but...

Famous last words... lol Agreed. Earlier in this thread, I acknowledged that the comments here have convinced me that it's time to move forward and find another therapist. I also acknowledged that I cannot make that decision unilaterally for obvious reasons, but I think it's time to head in...

Yes, people have to right to say what they want. Absolutely. I also have a right to be annoyed and ignore them if they persist. It's all good.

Yup. Agreed. I would just add--and I'm not going for a pissing contest here--that I think it's a little bit harder for a stay-at-home dad. As much as society has pivoted in a good way toward gender equality, I've now been told I cannot participate in FOUR different parenting co-ops simply...

T-H-A-N-K Y-O-U My wife is quite loyal and sticks to her word. As I mentioned ealier in this thread, she's uber ethical and her word is her bond. I'm not worried about us going down the path of divorce and, if I can say this gently, I'm starting to get annoyed with that theme coming up.

When I carefully and methodically present these issues, she actually has agreed that she's defaulting to a black and white schema. I've even gotten the mythical female apology for being a jerk. (I apologize easily and often, so I appreciate when there's a little reciprocity on this front. haha)...

Um, what? I literally haven't said anything about resenting my baby--let alone "resent terribly." I wrote, "I understand that as the stay-at-home dad I'm gonna do more of the parenting, but when she gets home I need a window to pursue my own professional aspirations like writing..." Whether this...

Yup. Thank you. Well, when you put it like that... lol Alright. You officially convinced me. Much love. Thank you. FYI - I'm being far more direct here because I feel like it's a safe space to truly let my guard down, focus like a freakin' laser, and sincerely wrestle with this stuff without...

I mean, yes, I absolutely agree with that. Life is a journey of natural human growth and development. My favorite historical figure is actually Abraham Lincoln not because he ended slavery or whatever but because, for all of his flaws, he had a seemingly endless capacity for this. Please...

Thank you. Correct. Except that I'd be perfectly content ending the swinging. Hard to say this is for me when I could take it or leave it, right? Yes, I believe that's accurate. Yet I don't think see how anything less than a laissez-faire (i.e. throw this thing open to whatever) relationship...

It's obvious you're bringing a rhetorically challenging energy to this thread when that is not at all the vibe I'm looking for. In recent years I've butted heads with a number of guys who do that, and it seldom if ever ends well. So, I won't be engaging you further. Peace.

As I said in the OP: "I feel like I've already pushed myself to the maximum I'm willing and able to go. While being a swinger has been wonderful and fulfilling in many unexpected ways, the truth is this transition into non-monogamy has also been acutely difficult for me. I'm a pretty cerebral...

She's not moving forward with polyamory at this time and, unless something changes my mind, it's unlikely we'll ever do so.

FYI - I'm quite intentionally not rushing to resolution nor a plan of action. To put it in Myers-Briggs language, I'm a P instead of a J. In the wisdom of Ecclesiastes, there's a time for everything under the sun. There's a time to take decisive action, yes, but there's also a time for slow...