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"Don't allow the perfect to be the enemy of the good" has become one of my life philosophies. I think it chalked full of wisdom. Honestly, I've just seen too much of my friends and family make impulsive life decisions where they filed for divorced, left a job, moved across the country, had...

I don't want to misrepresent her. She says things like, "I very much want to be married! I love you you with all my heart, am loyally committed to this marriage, and am excited to grow old with you. I just also want to date women to truly explore my bisexuality. It's my fault for not being...

Sure. In my first marriage, I got married at 20. Yes, that's again. Again, I grew up fundamentalist and if you want to have sex... there ya go. (There were other reasons to get married. I genuinely did love her, but obviously I concede that was stupid in retrospect.) We were married for just...

I know, but this is actually helping me a ton to process through this stuff in-detail. Let me know if I'm violating the unwritten social etiquette and I'll adapt accordingly, but on my end I'm actually enjoying the process despite the hard work. (Have I mentioned that I'm a published author? lol...

For the (admittedly failed) attempt at brevity, I was trying to simplify. I feel like this is getting all jargony but my actual perspective is that the spectrum goes from co-dependence/enmeshment to independence/autonomy with interdependence/self-differentiation as a kind of middle ground or...

Yeah, I think that's part of where I'm ending up. Nods. If need be, as much as I've enjoyed it I'm prepared to stop swinging. I feel like I'm just being thorough in turning over all the rocks with polyamory to make sure there's nothing I'm missing or I'm not somehow unconsciously being a...

Hola. Thank you. I've been reading and rereading this paragraph since last night. You convinced me. It's time for a new therapist. I can't make that decision unilaterally, but I think it's clearly time for a change. Again, thank you. I have the same concern. Thanks again, Kevin.

Obviously I can't make the decision unilaterally, but this thread has convinced me that this change needs to be made. It just sucks when a therapist was really super-helpful for a long time and then things pivoted. I kept hoping for some kind of breakthrough. Maybe this is weird, but I think I'd...

Thank you. That's assuring. I needed that. I think what is bothering me is this tacit expectation that I be the one to compromise... to arbitrarily quantify it... 80/20 or 90/10 in this area. I've never said she's selfish, but I do think that sometimes in life our felt-needs (and, yes, I'm...

First of all, thank you for the warm and gracious replies. I know you guys probably emphatically disagree with me, so it means a lot that you've chosen to engage with kindness and concern rather than the hateful shit show I encountered last year on Reddit. I'm sincerely grateful. I have...

It's a bit more complicated than that. My wife's mom is a lifelong, ardent atheist and her dad is a "whatever works for you" agnostic, but her parents had a completely dysfunctional marriage. It only grew worse over time due to her mom's deepening personality disorder and overall deteriorating...

Read the comments from overnight. Want to slowly ponder them in my heart and mind before replying further, but I will get back to the insights you've graciously offered and the questions you're gently raised. For now I just wanted to say THANK YOU again. Now... off to feed the baby.

I'm the primary caregiver and take care of our baby in the middle of the night most nights, so I need to hit the hay. For now THANK YOU to the thoughtful replies that have come in so far. Please know I'm reading them carefully and meditating upon them. Hopefully tomorrow I'll get a chance to...

I'm extremely cognizant that this forum is on polyamory.com, so any reason(s) given for not wanting to transition my marriage in polyamory will almost certainly be met with strong disagreement. Certainly I'm not here to preach or to convince anyone to think/feel/believe/behave differently in...

Mod Note: The first post in this thread is unedited; other posts from the OP have been hidden per his request. Hello. First time posting here. A year ago, I posted on Reddit a single time to get some advice. Unfortuantely, instead of anything helpful I got my head ripped off by the...