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Congratulations on the birth of your twins! I have twin girls and it's normal for the first few months to be incredibly rough on any relationship (mono or poly). I'll say the first year is toughest on your relationship(s). It will get easier though, just hang in there!

I agree with others in that the capacity to love more than one is largely innate. Acting on it is more of a choice.

A little update The past month has been crazy. We have had some conversation, not as detailed and deep as I would like, but a start. We have also had to deal with the sudden passing of my MIL, so that has been our focus most recently. On the front of moving things along, since sex is off the...

I think this must be what many relatives feel when they see a loved one struggling in a relationship that may not be best. But really you have already told her how you feel about it. At this point all you can do is support her and be there for her. If it's affecting the relationship between the...

I guess I had leanings towards being poly since middle school. I never saw a problem with dating multiple boys at the same time. I encouraged one of my high school boyfriends (now husband) to see some of my friends. After marriage, we were monogamous for a few years and then moved to more of a...

Ok, this is just a wife's perspective here. Have you tried doing things around the house for her? Doing chores that are typically hers, fixing dinner and cleaning up, laundry, anything that is typically left to her. Then you can try subtle things like leaving her little notes to let her know you...

I'm making the first baby step today. I told BF that he needs to try to get her to open up to him about things. I asked him to start with the "swinging" activities and be firm about them. They definitely need to work on being able to talk about this stuff. As it is now he is so hesitant that he...

Does your wife not want a non monogamous relationship now? Or is she not a fan of moving this woman in with you? Have you talked to her about that? If her issue is with living together with this other woman, but not about you seeing her separately, then respect her wishes. There is nothing...

I would say it is best to be independent in the sense that you know yourself and are fully comfortable with who you are, versus needing others around constantly to validate yourself. I don't mean independent in the sense that you would prefer to be alone most of the time.

Sadly that would probably piss her off more than sitting her down and telling her the entire truth of the situation.

It is up to her to decide ultimately and she doesn't need anyone here making her feel any worse about a difficult decision. Emotions are currently very raw in this situation, can we try to be more supportive? She has stated her feelings and no matter what anyone else thinks they are hers alone...

Not a fan of the word myself. But what you are suggesting is a triad where everyone is involved with everyone else, yes?

I'm happy for you guys. Amanda, I wish you the best in finding what you seek. It's great that you are able to be who you really are and to have such a wonderful spouse who is willing to support you in this journey.

Kevin, yes, that is pretty much the sum of things in a nutshell. I don't expect anything to change as far as MW's attitude, and the nature of who she is, to change anytime in the near future. But I think at the very least I can put the ideas out there and give her time to think about them...

Mike, she's not a "new" Amanda, just one that has felt comfortable enough to open up some of deepest, until recently hidden away, desires. She still loves you just the same. There is always the possibility that you will both form deep emotional attachments with future lovers, but that does not...

I can understand where you are coming from as far as not wanting to sit at home alone. My current situation leaves me with no room to judge anyone. I just wanted to throw a few things out there for you. If I were you I would see how things go in her search before looking for someone outside...

As elementary school "do you like me? Yes or no?" as that sounds it may just be exactly what she can handle. Thanks for the idea!

Galagirl, again, thank you so much for the above posts. You have given me so much to think about. I definitely need to do some serious thinking about how I want to proceed. I really do want a poly situation with all involved, as I feel BF does as well. My DH (from conversations is perfectly fine...

And Galagirl, are you by any chance a therapist? I love how straight forward you are at analyzing the situation and offering a concise summation of things. It sounds crazy, but even though at first your above post made me feel awful, upon re-reading it I appreciate your candor and I feel it's...

And I guess I am just thinking about action right now. I haven't the slightest idea how to go about this conversation without it directly affecting the dynamics between all involved.