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  1. Garriguette

    Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

    "Every single person I saw today was upbeat and loving and completely accepting of me. W00t!" That is great! I'm glad you had a day like that, after how difficult yesterday sounded.
  2. Garriguette

    Advice on transitioning to polyamory

    I threw an imaginary handful of confetti into the air when I read this paragraph. Thank you for saying that. Xicot and I had a problem for a while where we were overloading on conversations about things that we found difficult. (SO many variations on, "How do we both meet our needs when they...
  3. Garriguette

    Just Starting and Need Some Hard Advise

    Adding to what Gala Girl and reflections have said-- If your experience is like mine, it will be easier not to pile on everything at once when you've established a habit of checking in with each other. (On the occasions we miss a check-in, my urge to solve ALL THE PROBLEMS right now becomes a...
  4. Garriguette

    Just LR

    LR, I'm sorry. I know this wasn't what you wanted. Please be good to yourself.
  5. Garriguette

    Wide Awake

    *waves hello* I just noticed that you updated your signature to specify 3.5 children-- congratulations, and I hope all goes well!
  6. Garriguette

    Kevin's Hetero MFM Poly-Fi V

    I hope that your Thanksgiving is good and restorative. Sending hugs and gentle thoughts with you.
  7. Garriguette

    A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")

    I love that quote, too. I've been thinking recently about being around people who've found what they consider to be the Best Candy Bar Ever (be it an approach to relationships, a religious practice or philosophical stance, a field of study), and want to share it with everyone, forgetting that...
  8. Garriguette

    Kevin's Hetero MFM Poly-Fi V

    I'm sorry you're hurting, Kevin. I hope that you get some calm and respite from the ick soon. Also, I recognize that hostile internal monologue. Brain weasels are the worst. *adds hugs to the queue*
  9. Garriguette

    Holy crap... I have two husbands... when did that happen.

    Dagferi, I'm sorry you're in so much pain. That really sucks. Any chance the doctor has a waiting list for earlier emg appointments? It might be that your schedule is tight enough that taking off on short notice wouldn't work for you, but it sounds as if waiting another month isn't a good...
  10. Garriguette

    Like pulling teeth...

    TurquoiseMouse, I like Gala Girl's suggestion here. I'd like also to recommend that your beloved try thought experiments-- not just thinking, "How would I handle TM trying [new thing X]?," but putting himself in the imagined position of you trying [new thing X] and, as much as possible, feeling...
  11. Garriguette

    A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")

    I hope the surgery and healing goes well and that Chops is feeling right as rain very soon, YAH.
  12. Garriguette

    The "no breakup" dynamic

    Note the word "implication." People can say without saying. You did say, and I quoted, "Having multiple partners who you don't necessarily have to break up with is far superior to a series of monogamous relationships with unknown expiration dates." Any person is free to exit a relationship at...
  13. Garriguette

    Jill's Journal

    Sometimes it's what the soup represents, even more than the soup itself, that really hits the spot. I hope you feel back in soccer-playing form soon!
  14. Garriguette

    The "no breakup" dynamic

    I think you are assuming that everyone values NRE as much as you do. I do not think that is true. Part of the reason that monogamy works so well *for me* (note, please, that "for me" part) is that I don't enjoy NRE. It is over-stimulating and feels indistinguishable from anxiety. I am relieved...
  15. Garriguette

    Kevin's Hetero MFM Poly-Fi V

    My favorite is "finance," used in place of fiancé or fiancée. I blame auto-correct.
  16. Garriguette

    The "no breakup" dynamic

    Doesn't the no-breakup dynamic you describe presume that all poly people are compatible with all other poly people? That isn't the case. Someone who is happiest as a free agent isn't going to be at home in a poly-fidelitous arrangement. Someone who yearns for a close-knit poly tribe is not...
  17. Garriguette

    Limiting Age in a Poly Group

    Ten years ago I would have said that age is just a number. I've been starting to see some benefit to age-defined groups. Xicot's friend group is largely poly, young, and male. Mostly just-out-of-college young, bordering on a generation younger than Xicot and me. And those friends and I get on...
  18. Garriguette

    Fun quiz

    # First thing you wash in the shower? My eyes, using baby shampoo. I haven't gotten an eye infection since I started doing it. # What color is your favorite hoodie? They're all gone. The last one I owned was white and burgundy. # Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yes # How are you...
  19. Garriguette

    Poly of Mono

    Please, do not pursue the bolded option. If, after you say, "I am not interested in a monogamous relationship," she thinks she would be interested in a poly relationship, that's great. If, following your full disclosure, she thinks she would not be interested in being poly herself, but would be...
  20. Garriguette

    Age/Education Disparities in Relationships

    OP, I wonder if some of the anxieties your wife is experiencing may be cultural. She may have female friends whose spouses or partners have left for younger women, or women who haven't been out of the workforce raising children. (I know that when Xicot initially fell for a woman 15 years my...
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