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Well... have you talked about the relationship shift? She wanted thing to be even and you two took steps that would make the relationship uneven. That's hard. I can understand her feeling scared about it. Have you talked with her about what could help her feel safer? Have you talked with her...

So my secondary partner and his wife are going to start trying for a kid in the fall. We are very much secondaries. I live in a triad with my boyfriend and girlfriend and he lives with, is married to, and owns a house with his wife. Our relationship is set up in such a way that our primary...

I agree that you should move out. You guys moved in really fast and stuff isn't going great. If you could have the relationship look any way you wanted, what would it look like?

Yeah... honestly it sounds like you are pretty sensitive to normal every day things. That seems like something you should be working on getting over instead of asking the people around you to change. Other then kissing what are other things that you want them to change?

Hang on guys, I don't think there is any reason to assume she is taking him for granted on purpose. My guess is she doesn't know she is doing it at all. She just doesn't see all the ways he is supporting her, she just sees the hard parts, that's kind of normal in long term relationships. Not...

It is deeply annoying when people don't see their privilege. But would you want her to not act on it? I live in a triad. Two of us are grad students. We are super tight on cash all the time. When other partners come in to play there can sometimes be resentment about opportunities that one...

Is there anyway you can move out? Moving in with them puts a tremendous amount of stress on your new relationship. You need time to figure out what you want and what you need out of these relationships. It sounds like you aren't really sure what you need to feel comfortable and it's a rocky if...

She didn't get upset when you started talking about hand fasting, but have you mentioned the babies and the moving-in part? To be honest, it sounds like you are using their bad communication as an excuse not to have good but difficult communication of your own. I think you know that she...

Wow. I would be very worried if I were in your shoes. You are making all kinds of plans (and taking actions, like fluid bonding) without talking to or even really thinking about Sunshine's wife. That seems like it's going to blow up. I would be very upset if my partner decided to become fluid...

Take the "outlaw" part off. That word still makes your lying and cheating sound cool, dangerous and appealing. You are very good at seeing yourself, but it still sounds like you are glamorizing your selfishness.

It doesn't sound like you'd been talking to Jude very much about what you think a relationship would be. It sounds strange to me! I would have a very hard time dating someone who needed to function that way. But have you talked with him? Is this an "always and forever" thing, or just a "while we...

Thank you VA that is something she has said herself. I have a hard time with the idea. I feel like she often knows what she wants but is unwilling to admit it. Our "rules" so to speak are going as far as making out before talking to your partners is fine. And to talk about attraction as soon as...

So, yes. That could very well be what she is telling me with her actions if not her words. This might be a case of Jill wanting to be the person who is okay with us flirting and enjoying each other and that she really isn't. Which is why if feels like a trap. She would never ask me to not be...

She cut her hair last year before going to grad school in New York. Her life has been changing like crazy for over two years now. First the break up with her primary partner of seven years right before moving across the country, cutting her hair and getting her first long term girlfriend (she...

isn't it odd? Jill having sex with people we don't know before she tells us about it isn't a deal breaker. It's not what we want and it stresses Jack the fuck out but we are willing to work with it. Jill wants a level of freedom that we all want. A level of trust that we are all working towards...

Jack is annoyed by the extra drama. He really doesn't like it when Jill gets upset at Adam but won't talk to Adam about it and wants to process with him. Jack feels comfortable that I'm being honest about what I feel about and around Adam and he trusts me. Jack feels a little nervous the Jill...

The drunk thing has only happened once. She has really blown up about it three times, two times were sober. Normally she as is adorable as a kitten in a tutu when she is drinking. I for sure don't believe Adam is a “splitter” intentionally. He really likes all three of us a lot. We get along...

I feel like I have been clear about my feelings for Adam. That I'm attracted to him and if there was a simple non-painful way to be sexual with him I would. Like if I was single or if all three of my partners were pretty open to the idea. I feel like that is clear but Jill doesn't believe me. Or...

Oh sorry “intentional” is sort of a family term, I guess. For us it means being clear and making choices instead of “just letting things happen”. Jack and I have found that the more “I didn't know it was going to happen” or “it sort of just happened” the harder it was for us to feel safe and...

Thank you guys. I feel like it will get better with time. Jill going through a lot of personal transformation right now (Jack and I often talk about it being saturn's return) but I'm not sure how to deal with my anger about her issues. This weekend it lead to her getting drunk (we went out...