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Been with Woof since 1994 and with Mitch since 2009 (or off and on since 1988, depending how you count). Nested with one or both (separately) for 30 years now. There were a couple of very short and shallower relationships along the way. And one intimate friendship that deepened and grew over …...

Three more years down the road. I'm writing this from the little studio I rent in Woof's town. I only come here every third weekend or so, but it's good to get time alone to focus on my projects. It helps me regain my appetite for togetherness. I see Woof and the adult kids when I'm in town, but...

Agreed. Yes! And if the extra sitter night is just never gonna happen for whatever reason, then Tin could (and, I think, should) routinely take another night, leave Claire at home with the kids, and do something just for Tinself. It's not tit for tat, it's getting a break, nourishing the self...

MFM vee, garden party parallel for the partners, kitchen table for the kids. I have three adult kids with Woof and one “tween” kid with Mitch. The adult kids have one partner each (the six of them are an intentional friend group), so we make a party of ten when we are lucky enough to all be...

I poke my nose back in every many months or so. It’s good to see familiar names and new ones. I have grieved Vinsanity, as I’m sure he’d have been here along the way if he could. So many good voices, and yes, evolving perspectives. Hi from slowland. 👋

Also this bit: When there’s a third person (in this case a specific third person), “we both want” is leaving out a whole person, two dyads, and a trio.

This is the kind of LDR I had with Mitch for five years, though that depends on how you count. Could say as many as 20 years. I was his comet, and I expected him to eventually find a wife and live a normal, monogamous life. I’d not cheat with him, he knew, but I’d always come back around when...

Bluebird, Stopped by and read (honestly, only skimmed, but for like two hours), and WHEW! I am so sorry for what you’ve been through this year, so happy for the loves and home you’re enjoying now, and so hopeful for your next chapter. ❤️‍🩹❤️

I get this off and on in life, too. I’m always trying to be a partner I want to be with. I’m not always self-smitten. But sometimes I really like that I’m stuck with me. 😅

I see an awful lot of ego in here, too. But I don’t see any willingness to solve the conflicts inherent in the situation. What could anyone advise? Is OP looking for absolution or validation or something? He “knows the advice” we’re going to give. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Meera, you’ve been through the wringer — multiple wringers. It sounds like you know this, but in case you don’t think of it often: Go easy on you. This is a LOT and it’s not like it’s your fault or you deserve it because you didn’t communicate expertly and plan for all potential roadbumps. We...

Bluebird, I hope you’re getting better and getting tons of sleep and cuddles. ❤️‍🩹

I’m here! Ah, I miss Dagferi’s updates and advice. I lived (in various homes) with Woof and our three kids and just visited Mitch, up until Mitch and I had a kid on the way. I started staying at his place until Little One was born, and then we got an apartment for the three of us. After a few...

(1) All the hugs. (2) This crap is hard. (3) You have a huge positive impact in the world.

Yeah, lean into this. There’s no emergency. You don’t really want your interest to be the thing that keeps someone from finding an amazing relationship with someone else — so don’t worry about jumping while she’s single. Explore your wants while you learn about real-life relationship options...

You can ask for anything you want! You might get a “no” if what you’re asking doesn’t sound good to your husband. Are you okay with that? Some things you might want to consider: (1) Will asking for this significantly reduce the amount of time they spend together? If so, expect resistance. (2)...

I second most of the advice you’ve already received. And I want to know if you’ve done any reading about Relationship Anarchy. It would be a big shift for your current primary relationship. But it might be a philosophical framework you can work from, if that helps you feel more confident as you...

I tried to write a helpful response yesterday and gave up. And now Mags and Gala have done a lovely job saying the things I was wanting to say, and a lot more. +1 on their advice. Take care of you, littlewind3.

There might also be other things going on besides envy (or jealousy, if that’s proceeding from it). You might be feeling loneliness or fear of missing out. You might just be missing them when they’re out, and the nest (assuming nesting) is too quiet. You might be feeling negative feelings about...

You seem kinda “all or nothing” in your thinking/planning. I could be wrong here. But it sounds like she saying she wants more attention when you’re all together. Not that she wants zero attention paid to Friend. You are absolutely right that striving for balance is a fool’s errand. But for sure...