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  1. R

    Polyamory and asexuality

    I don't think it is fair to suddenly make a claim like that, if you had regular sex up until that point. It seems to be a pretty strange thing to do. OTOH, if you only had occasional sex for a period of time, it would make more sense.
  2. R

    Poly/BDSM Intersection?

    I'm not ready to publish that yet, but I'm sure I eventually will. Still, published or not doesn't change the fact they are correlated. To me, it is really disturbing that sex with multiple persons and polyamory are frequently assumed to be the same thing. To me, polyamory is unrelated to if...
  3. R

    Poly/BDSM Intersection?

    It's only a correlation, and one that is only intermediate. That means that many poly people do not like BD/SM, are not homo/bi sexual, and also do not have fetishes or paraphilias. Still, these things are more common than in the general population, which should add to the interest in the community.
  4. R

    Poly/BDSM Intersection?

    At least my research shows that polyamory and BD/SM are correlated. Polyamory also correlates with other sexual / contact issues, like homo/bi sexuality and having masturbated in public (and in fact also with flashing).
  5. R

    [Heck] Yes, or No!

    I'm probably the wrong generation for doing online dating. At least, I would not consider this for a relationship. It works well with friendships, and "[Heck] Yes or No" could be used there too. I mean, I have a female professor that I email a lot with, and she is one of few close friends I...
  6. R

    [Heck] Yes, or No!

    That was kind of what I meant. I'm shy, so I want a lot of time before I commit to something, and I also think this is the best time before you enter into a relationship and all the potential problems of that. I even prefer some time before I want to talk to somebody, the longer the better, more...
  7. R

    Fucked up, coming clean

    At least one factor doesn't apply to me: I don't want to have sex with anybody (unless it's intended for procreation). I think that will make things a lot easier. But it was interesting to read about the different models there are. They just seems a little to fixated on sex as well. I'd like a...
  8. R

    Fucked up, coming clean

    I'll have to say I don't understand this. Why would one need to tell each others exactly what happens if there is a commitment to polyamory? Wouldn't that imply that both parties accept new connections? I don't think I could live in a relationship where I'd need to tell everything that happens...
  9. R

    [Heck] Yes, or No!

    Why? I want somebody that is willing to put down some effort, and I don't like it when they move too fast. I think the contact phase is the best part of it, so I want it to last for a while. I find it healthy. It will weed out luck-seekers and abusers alike, as they won't be likely to put down...
  10. R

    Broken hearted lost bf and losing marriage

    Besides, I have talked with wife about polyamory, and that I'm like that. I even described how it worked and things. The problem was that she never reciprocated in an obvious way to this. So I think she knows I'm ok with it. It's even so that other people think she is crossing lines when she...
  11. R

    [Heck] Yes, or No!

    Not my type of advice. I'd play games instead to check their persistence. If they fail those I'd have no interest in them. People that instantly says "Yes" are superficial and I don't want to waste any time on them. OTOH, part of the games (flirting) is that they need to reciprocate, but I...
  12. R

    Broken hearted lost bf and losing marriage

    Polywife12 seems to have done just that. That seems like a nice way to handle it. However, since I haven't even talked to this girl, I think it is too early. I think we have mutual feelings for each others, but I could be wrong. I also have no idea what kind of relationship she would expect if...
  13. R

    Broken hearted lost bf and losing marriage

    Nobody is dating anybody. The guy me wife is fond of is a mutual dance acquaintance that she likes to dance a lot with. Our daughter is also kind of fond of him, which made for some competition between them. I'm certainly not dating anybody either. I've not even talked to her. Besides, dating...
  14. R

    Broken hearted lost bf and losing marriage

    She is not jealous because of past affairs. I have no past affairs, and I have never been dishonest. I have accepted that she likes another guy, even if she haven't told me outright that she does (rather it was daughter that showed me the evidence). I'm not going to be honest with my connection...
  15. R

    Broken hearted lost bf and losing marriage

    I think I described why before. She is not likely to accept it, and if she does, she might change her mind later. That's due to jealousy. Instead I've used another method that I think is fair: I just copied her behavior without telling her, and I justify that with her not telling me. That sounds...
  16. R

    Broken hearted lost bf and losing marriage

    Actually, we both practiced secrecy. It's just that our daughter showed me some of her correspondence, but I then decided I didn't want to know. I'm much better at hiding things so nobody actually knows. It's also not a relationship at this point. Maybe it will end as a friendship as well. It...
  17. R

    Broken hearted lost bf and losing marriage

    I've been married for 22 years too, and have some experiences with polyamory that didn't cause any of these problems. In fact, it was first my wife that fell in love with a younger guy some two years ago. I accepted that as long as it didn't affect me. This has developed into a little more...
  18. R

    Broken hearted lost bf and losing marriage

    Too me it doesn't look like any of the involved people are poly. Polywife12 is not poly herself because she was unable to keep her feelings for her husband when she fell in love with another man (B). So for me this seems totally unrelated to polyamory. Seems more like a dirty history of...
  19. R

    Multiple attachments

    I think the formula needs to be modified somewhat to be more realistic. Something like: Mono: m ^ x + f ^ y = love / (x + y) Poly: m ^ x + f ^ y = love ^ (x + y) It would also need some upper limit on x and y, but that would be rather complex to add. :)
  20. R

    Multiple attachments

    The part you cited do describe monogamy, but that is not the way I function.
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