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A conclusion for now He had another date. Before it we had our usual discussion about love, his willingness for this crush to be love and for the first time he admitted he thought he loved her but it's only really if returned. She doesn't love him and she cut it off because there's no future...

Update Well later that night I had another meltdown and was basically ready to through the towel in. He was great, stayed levelheaded as opposed to our old style mutual shouting arguments. He validated how hard that first date must have been. More tears from me but less anger. His 'coffee' was...

thanks tenk He's not told me not to talk to them but our whole swinging life was only recently outed to my whole family via one of our teenaged kids stumbling upon a dating site he left open. So I guess I feel the stigma of being one of those couples that might fail due to being open (as...

What a mess We've only got one car and we live in an area with crap public transport. He had his coffee/kisses with the car I went to the gym but then had a total meltdown as I waited to be picked up knowing he was most likely kissing her goodbye. I'm in turmoil. I feel like throwing the towel...

Yes and No Thanks Mags for your thoughts. Very helpful. He's consistent about our primary connection but the fact remains he shifted the goalposts on his own and so I guess I'm left with no certainty that that won't happen again. I've been processing, I am gaining clarity over my feelings on...

Hmmm I think you hit the nail on the head there Mags with some of my feelings on 'unfairness' and ironically he sees this all as bringing balance into our relationship which was leaning towards my needs being met more than his. My conflicting feelings are between wanting to support him while...

And now i am conflicted again And don't know what I think is right...

Thanks Evie & TenK I'll take all that on board. I do feel drawing the line in the sand and not giving permission for something he's told me he doesn't need my permission for will help me move forward more authentically. If I've got no choice in the matter then there's no real need for me to...

Clarity I'm very interested to get feedback on this. A huge part of my torment is that I don't feel ready for this. I've been given less than 7 weeks into total from when he dropped this on me to the date he's taking her out to adjust to an idea that is alien to me, and against everything we...

:( Having another shitday. Tears and anger. We go away tomorrow. Because I was not and am not involved in the decision to go ahead, besides choosing at this point not to leave or ask that he does, it just feels like betrayal to me. I believed so many things about our relationship, and they're...

Not so scary The night went well, (thanks for asking) seeing them together definitely gave me perspective that besides being a nice girl she's not really 'soul mate' material for him. This seems to be my biggest fear, being replaced as a life partner. I have no issues with jealousy, because...

clarification Yes, I kind of dragged him into it after he said no to my requested fling/sanctioned affair (which never happened). Seems he thinks he had dates mixed up and that he feels we was no talking about pushing things forward. I have to give him the benefit of the doubt, today is a big...

Blow up Thanks Elksun, I totally get what you're saying re:fear. I do like to think we'll go the distance but my worry is that my model of loving is so deep and encompassing that he's opening the door for me to find the oneness monoamory provides me with elsewhere. We're not fixed, he resents...

Trying not to rush I arrived back from overseas 5 weeks ago, we'll be at a function with the lass tomorrow and he wants to ask her out for a coffee to discuss further... We'll have next week away to focus on us. Because this is not a mutual decision I think I'll probably never be truly ready...

A couple more points Thanks TenK! I should add that he sees this as a way to address the imbalance towards me in swinging and that he's well versed on compersion and being happy for your partner and I am well versed in disattaching from sexual connections. BUT on the subject of resentment he...

Backstory: 4 years ago after a loaded kiss I asked my defacto partner of then 17 years if he would allow me to go sleep with the kisser. He said no, I had had something awakened in me and I asked him to open our relationship... I had said I could not promise that another sexual encounter would...