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Hi Ravenscroft. I'm not sure if you're implying that other people have a lot to learn about communication, or that you do, but I found you to be very aggressive and it seemed to me that you were more interesting in proving how right you were than any kind of mutually beneficial exchange with...

Oh I am not writing anything off. My love for her does not come with conditions. I have another partner already, but my feelings for my solo poly girlfriend are exceptional to anything I've experienced, and given her past I assumed that we closely shared relationship styles, hence my...

Thanks for the resource. I don't mean to suggest that solo poly is bad in any way, it is just very incompatible with me. I should specify, I don't care about the escalator. I'm not on it. As I think I mentioned earlier, I'd be just as content having her over for say 3 nights a week every now...

Update - y'all were right, she's solo poly. We talked about it last night. It's a new realization for her, because she was in a long term primary relationship until last year. It's a relief to be able to put into clear terms, but I'm also kind of an emotional wreck right now because of that...

Hear hear.

Don't mind the third person at all, and thank you for more thoughts again. Just so you know, I didn't take you to be criticising me or calling me misguided in any of your posts.

I think we both have very similar approaches. I have always been one for the long, hard road - and have been given long, hard roads aplenty! Right now I don't know where exactly these feelings are coming from and what they represent in terms of my own identity, but I have a few ideas, places to...

I can answer this question easily because it's something we've talked about as a couple - intimacy can be anything, as long as there is shared time and/or space. Physical touch, conversation, sex, all come into play, as do other things like keeping in touch via email or SMS throughout the week...

Glad to hear it went well! Of course they both showed up first :P

Thank you everyone for your advice and perspectives, it's so so helpful.. Jayblue122, at times I both would like more time with her and greater frequency. Something I value immensely is an extended period of time together, like an entire weekend, but I also very highly value seeing each other...

I certainly do have a history of doing defense mechanism-y things with my feelings.

It does, and I don't know whether I place that kind of pressure on myself. It may be the case that I do, without being aware of it. I am generally quite aware of the fact that we only have so much time together and "pull back" emotionally in anticipation of that, but if we're both feeling well...

The way I see it, if the only way you're used to thinking is manipulatively then it's hard to imagine that other people aren't also trying to be manipulative, even though it may be the case that they really aren't. To my understanding, triangulation is basically a manipulative communication...

Exactly, 100%, that's what I'm wondering. Very early in the relationship we came upon some painful difficulties because both of us had insecurities and other things, and part of resolving that involved me releasing my expectations of us and just letting the relationship be what it would. And to...

Oh I see. I guess what I meant by not having intimacy issues is that we've no trouble at all being intimate with one another. The thing of not being with each other enough isn't really an item of contention in the relationship at this point. I don't pine when I'm not with her and I actually do...

Hmmmm. Well, I don't think it's about how much intimacy we're comfortable with, I mean I think that's a separate issue (and also a non-issue). She just needs a lot of time to herself. Thanks for the perspective though, it's helpful to know I can just think of these things as my own needs/wants...

I'm entirely sure that I'm not mono-inclined! Couldn't do love any way but poly. But I was raised in mono environments and not properly exposed to poly until this year, so I'm worried that I might still have residual mono thinking from that, (not to mention my history of codependency) which is...

I disagree about triangulation. That would depend on intention, no? It isn't kind to assume that someone is being manipulative. Whether or not you tell the host I think would depend on your relationship with them. Personally I wouldn't tell them any more than I'd tell anyone else who was...

Hello all! If any of you remember from before, I'm new to poly. I have a complicated issue here that I'm really struggling to figure out. I don't know if what I'm experiencing is me having unhealthy mono tendencies that I need to work through personally or whether this is actually a...

Hi. We don't know each other, but I just went through your 10-page thread from 2010 about your relationship with Stewy and I just want to thank you for sharing your story. It was incredible to see myself reflected back at me as I read each of your posts. So strong was the likeness that I felt I...