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I think marriage works for some, but I agree it shouldn't be the only way to be "succesdful" in life. I've been married six years, have three children. I would do things worlds differently if I were the now me, then.

If poly didn't cover a lot of arrangements, your "poly definition" thread would have been short. It's closed minded and juvenile to think your way is the only way. Maybe you would know that if you didn't try to bully new members for doing things differently.

He changed his mind. People do that. She can leave the relationship, or work something out with him. The only way to do that is for the OP to talk to her, not internet strangers that tell him he is wrong for not doing it the way they do.

Some commenters like to think their way of poly is the only way. While "poly" still covers a lot of arrangements. Take the advice of internet strangers with a grain of salt...

If you're not comfortable, you're not comfortable. That doesn't make you a D. Talk to her. Work something out with her. Make sure you're 100% comfortable with what you two work out, anything less can breed resentment.

I don't know anyone personally. There are six billion+ people in the world, it silly to think there's only one way of doing things... Especially when members of this forum can't agree on the poly definiton. The three of us are pretty happy.

Oy, another unhelpful commenter. Thanks for stopping by sweetie.

Roc, what's a process?

I meant to say most people. There are a lot of people in this kind of arrangement. It's a big world. Maybe people with this kind of arrangement don't stick around this forum, because they kept getting told they were doing things wrong.

Tin, I think people air grievances in forums more than post about how happy they are. People search out forums because they have questions on how to work something out. That's how I found this site. I wouldn't randomly join a forum just to post how good things are going. KWIM?

Tin, that relationship was almost a decade ago. I didn't see things as unfair at the time/still don't. They banged each other without me, but no one else. I slept in their bed with them, when I was there. We went on dates as a threesome. I don't know what else you'd like me to expand on...

Update: we talked last night. We went over boundaries, coworker does have some after thinking about things. We (the three of us) are going to have a closed relationship for now. Hopefully find another chick at some point in our travels. Thank you again to the people that helped (not just...

Good update. It's nice to hear you guys worked things out.

Pow, not the issue I'm having. Thanks for trying to help. Bat, I'm still not sure where I conveyed the need for handholding and sunshine blown up my nethers. I have received very good advice, just not from everyone.

Mag, as expressed in this forum by another senior member, polyamory doesn't have a universal definition. To imply that one is doing it wrong or "not the way most others do it", is silly. I wasn't referring to you as sad. I said you were finger wagging and unhelpful. I've seen your comments...

Gala, you're right, agreement is the better word to use. I'll talk to him about his preferences. A messy list will eventually be made, but isn't needed yet. Veto power as in if I don't like the chick, or if one of them doesn't like the chick, the chick doesn't come back. I don't want to jerk...

The last few commenters have given no advice. The actual advice I have been given I greatly appreciated. I'm not sure why some continue to comment on my post just to tell me to listen to someone else.

Seems reading comprehension escapes some memebers, or it's pure laziness to actually read a thread... I asked for advice. As other members have answered, I don't believe my post conveyed the need for handholding. Silly for people to comment just to be contrite. Maybe boredom on a Sunday...

Vin, thank you for your equally unhelpful response. If you took the time to read instead of shooting from the hip, You would have seen that I've taken all kinds of advice. Mag didn't give advice, like you, she finger wagged. Thanks for your contribution to my post. I'll give it all the...

Emm, thank you. Your reply is helpful. Mag, really? You felt the need to pick apart every other sentence with condescension...why? Being intimate with coworker was my husband's idea. They both get something out of it as they've both expressed desire to do it again. You seem to understand...