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  1. rauhajoule

    Expected to hang out with metamour(s)

    In my opinion, it's not reasonable to expect. Some folks want kitchen table poly. But everyone needs to consent to it. If there isn't consent, then it's not reasonable. I generally concur with GalaGirl: --- In my specific situation, Neutron really wants to be able to spend time with me...
  2. rauhajoule

    What's your 'number'?

    I've been sexually intimate with nine people, and I'm 26.
  3. rauhajoule

    How often do you see your current partners?

    I see Neutron twice a week for designated 1-1 time: once at his place, once at mine. When I was dating Patrick is was pretty similar: twice a week, on days I wasn't seeing Neutron. The other days were/are for the multitude of other non-relationship activities I'm involved in. ...And sometimes...
  4. rauhajoule

    Texting

    I am this way too. I don't like making the time for small talk over text or chat. I'd much rather use text time to make plans to see them, and then get into the sharing and conversing once we're in person.
  5. rauhajoule

    Where is the time?

    Thank you both for sharing! Your input leads me to another question... Are the logistical aspects of polyamory easier for people who lead busy lives? (I definitely identify as one of those people who's always signed up for "too many" responsibilities. Ravenscroft, your college schedule sounds...
  6. rauhajoule

    Where is the time?

    In light of a recent breakup based on mismatched relationship expectations, I've been doing a lot of self-reflection on what I'm offering in my relationships. Particularly when it comes to time. I work a full time job, volunteer for a couple different organizations, care for a bunch of...
  7. rauhajoule

    About Polyamory.com

    I just stumbled across this post from 2009:
  8. rauhajoule

    Delayed Intro

    Hey all - I thought I should introduce myself, since I've posted a bit here and there, but hadn't really explained my story at all anywhere. I was introduced to the world of polyamory in 2012, when I attended an event that hosted a polyamory workshop. It blew my mind that this relationship...
  9. rauhajoule

    Feeling All the Feels

    What if you ask Laptop these questions?
  10. rauhajoule

    Reasonable rules?

    I feel like these are textbook examples of ways that folks in a relationship aim to prevent triggering jealousy/insecurities. Can't say I've seen it recommended. From where I'm standing it sounds like they don't trust that the other will be present during dedicated time together, and instead of...
  11. rauhajoule

    Feeling All the Feels

    Hi MsEmotional - I'm not really sure if my experience will be helpful for your situation, but this type of reaction from Ponytail particularly resonated with me, since I've been in Ponytail's place before. Plenty of times, and quite often. It's been an issue for me in past relationships, and was...
  12. rauhajoule

    I'm not finding long-term partners, he is.

    THIS!! I completely and totally feel you on this!! I've had very similar experiences and share a lot of the same sentiments you've expressed here. Have you tried communicating expectations prior to sex? Something like "Hey, before we jump into this really fun thing, I'm curious what your...
  13. rauhajoule

    Poly with closed relationship structures

    I don't have a lot of advice, but I wanted to chime in here because it sounds like you and I are in almost exactly the same place poly-experience wise, and it's pretty cool to have come across someone who's at the same level. I've been kind of taking it from the stance of: whatever happens will...
  14. rauhajoule

    New: looking for advice on parties

    I think public affection really depends on the person and the circumstance... 1. When I've been single, PDA could really get on my nerves, largely because I wanted something that other people had but I didn't. Definitely envy issues there. 2. When I'm just starting a new relationship, I don't...
  15. rauhajoule

    New: looking for advice on parties

    Thanks all for your advice! It really helped me sort out what I wanted and how I felt. I ended up going to the party last night, arriving with my partner. It was a super positive situation and I came away feeling really good about all of it. I think it particularly helped that my meta's...
  16. rauhajoule

    New: looking for advice on parties

    Thank you! I talked with him last night and this is exactly what we're going to do. :) This also sounds like a good idea. He's talked to her about me coming a while ago, and it sounded like she was very excited to meet me (I'm the hesitant one). But you're right, expectations are good to...
  17. rauhajoule

    New: looking for advice on parties

    There are two main reasons I want to go to this party: 1. The party is taking place at a house I used to live in. I'm mostly just intensely curious to see what they've done with the place and how it's set up. I'm not sure if I'll get another chance. 2. I get the impression that the person who...
  18. rauhajoule

    New: looking for advice on parties

    Hello! I'm pretty new to this whole thing. My partner and I have been together for two years, and we've been theoretically poly since the beginning, and very open with each other about our feelings for other people. But this is the first time he's actually found someone else he wants to see and...
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