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My anxieties are largely STI related, so of course I mentioned them. Colour me confused at this point. But I agree, it starts to look like I really shouldn't have mentioned them in the first place. I personally think it would also be better for everyone if you could catch the hints and...

I do know it doesn't actually make me safer, it just makes me feel safer and that's incredibly important to me because of anxiety and other things I can't really change. I know what my limits and boundaries are, what can be pushed and what cannot be pushed without significant damage and I see...

I suppose I'm a lot like you. Ideally, I'd like to be friends with my meta, but I understand it depends on so many things (whether we like each other or not, whether they would like to be friends or not). Him sleeping with someone else is instantly less scary if I at least have the potentail to...

I understand it might be confusing when you don't know the details or the backround, but it makes perfect sense to me and my partner, and that's all that matters. :) Suffice it to say that I have some trauma related to this and (unrelated to that trauma) I don't fully trust Felix's judgement on...

I need to know every time a new sexual partner is added because of safety reasons. Condoms only protect against some STIs, not all. I am willing to work on whether I'm being told before or after the fact, but this is an absolute boundary for me that will not change and this is one of the main...

I needed to hear that the possibility of sex is back on the table so that we could discuss it beforehand and I could sort of prepare myself for it. I didn't need to hear the details explicitly afterwards and the only reason I asked for them in this instance was because I was totally surprised by...

I know, and Felix finds it strange as well. I think for me it has to do with change and stability. I’ve never been very good at handling change and in a way, you could say that with polyamory I am inviting trouble because things are always less stable and at flux than with monogamy. For me...

I think Felix might be the same way, or at least he's expressed the desire for the same kind of relationship with Susan. The level of deep in the FWB configuration is debatable, but he's told me he doesn't want to just fuck and then be done with it, but that he'd like to be able to hang out with...

I am well aware of that and I think he has become more aware of it as well as a result of our talks. It is one of the reasons why I haven't really understood or trusted his desire to categorize his relationships as sexual ones, cause to me it also feels like turning a blind eye to the...

I could have quoted your whole post, cause I think you described the Felix from 1,5 years ago to a tee. I can see he has changed tremendously though and he's put a lot of work into being honest with me, cause he knows I value that above anything else, and that it's his dishonesty that almost...

Wow, thank you for this. I have no idea why I never thought about it that way, cause it makes perfect sense. It's all about intimate connections, albeit different kinds of ones. I have to admit I consider my mind blown right now. :D

I'm not sure why this board leaves only some of my posts to be checked by a moderator and others not. I'm not sure if this came through. I agree and this is exactly what we discussed afterwards. I just would have liked to have had that warning and the discussion before that night even happened...

Thank you for this, I think it might be valuable for me to try to see things from this perspective. Scary as hell, but definitely something I need to think about. I'm definitely not very spontaneous with these things and it's very hard for me to fully understand and feel safe with a partner...

It was because the person I fell in love with was in a (non-monogamous) relatinship on their end and her partner wasn't comfortable with the idea. We very much would have liked to though. And yes, maybe I am a rare case then, but I do not need to have sex to feel like I'm in love with someone...

I agree and this is exactly what we discussed afterwards. I just would have liked to have had that warning and the discussion before that night even happened in the first place, but yeah, it's too late for that now. Yes, I've had a year and a half to get used to the idea, but it's very...

Thank you for your answer, vinsanity0! Sex is a big deal to me. I understand it's not so with Felix and I understand that these rules might feel restrictive. Especially having sex with someone else for the first time since we've been non-monogamous is a big deal to me and I'd like to have a...

This is a long one, bear with me. I’ve been in a non-monogamous relationship with my boyfriend Felix for a year and a half (together for 3). The relationship has been more polyamorous on my end and more open on his end, but neither of us have had any notable physical action going on besides...