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  1. Matilda

    I don't want to be here...

    I've slept, and sleeping is good. Yesterday we made progress...strange progress, scary progress, but definate progress. Lots of talking and heartspilling and reflection led to us agreement to separate. We're sorting out counselling for both of us, and although we're in the same house, we're...
  2. Matilda

    I don't want to be here...

    I am so, so, sooooooo exhausted tired. I wasn't 'allowed' to sleep last night, because every time I drifted off, my husband woke me again to demand decisions I can't give him yet. Last night he seemed to be in a rational place, and we were talking in what I felt was a very positive and...
  3. Matilda

    What you listening to Now :

    The Scarlet Tide : Alison Krauss http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ccxiNUOdME
  4. Matilda

    I don't want to be here...

    Thank you for sharing your story with me RS. I read it all, I promise I did, and I hear what you're saying. If it's okay with you, I'll take the following, cut and paste, and bring them about with me in my mind for the next little while: "I thought I would never be happy again, that I didn't...
  5. Matilda

    To all unicorn hunters

    *giggles* Oh, that is just so wrong!!! :)
  6. Matilda

    I don't want to be here...

    You get hugged for that YGirl. You just made me laugh out loud - and I needed to laugh out loud. :D I'm hereby embracing the notion that I could be an insufferable cream-puff! :p
  7. Matilda

    I don't want to be here...

    Purely for clarification purposes: imo, this relationship (myself and "monounsaturated") is quite messed up enough without bringing anyone else into it. As I've said before, if it was purely up to me, from day one it would have been a one-guy-one-gal wholly exclusive monogamous relationship...
  8. Matilda

    I don't want to be here...

    One step forward, two steps back. Today started well, we had discussed what we thought would be good for both of us today, dropped the older children to school, and then went to the swimming pool with our smallest child together. We took turns with the little one, so we both got some time just...
  9. Matilda

    I don't want to be here...

    I'm overwhelmed by the support. Thank you all so much. Sometimes I'll read a post and say to myself "oh nononononoooo, that's not it at all, that couldn't be me" - and I'll go away and mull over it as I sort out the laundry and I'll take what applies to this situation, and I'll re-assess my...
  10. Matilda

    I don't want to be here...

    Thank you, Derby. I've read your post over a few times, and I hear what you're saying and appreciate where you're coming from.
  11. Matilda

    I don't want to be here...

    Well it didn't happen overnight, so it can't be remedied overnight. I astonish myself now by how pragmatic I sound, and then I remind myself that I used to lead a debating team back in school. I've lost so very much of me, and I don't like what I've become - even if it was what I believed...
  12. Matilda

    I don't want to be here...

    Peppermint's article reflects the honest original expectations in my marriage. Going into the relationship, that was what I was promised. That reads as ridiculous, I look back on it now and I laugh at myself for the naivity, but as a teenager I believed every bit of it, and I've always kept 'my'...
  13. Matilda

    I don't want to be here...

    *nods* Yes, you've hit the nail on the head there, Catbird. The problem originated, I think, when we got married. In the beginning of our relationship, I was a very full, complete, happy person - I was popular, hectic social life, close family network, hobbies and groups I was part of, lots of...
  14. Matilda

    Cheating vs. Polyamory: Merged Threads, General Discussion

    I think there's a lot of mininformation about what polyamory actually is or means (says the woman who has been on the site a whole 3 days). I believe it can serve as a 'convenient' word to use instead of saying 'married-but-looking' or 'married-but-want-to-bed-other-people'...whereas those...
  15. Matilda

    What you listening to Now :

    Katy Perry : I'm still breathing :rolleyes:
  16. Matilda

    I don't want to be here...

    *sigh* I hear you, and the logical, practical side of me agrees. I'm 'the nice one' though...a lot of who I am of myself is tied up with how indentify myself - and sometimes, yes, that is to my own detriment. I have a sometimes foolishly high standard for behaviour and ethics and morals, and...
  17. Matilda

    Word Association Game!

    chains
  18. Matilda

    I don't want to be here...

    I've woken up with a feeling of hopelessness. Last night my husband and I spoke for a long time in great depth. He's changed tactics again...now he is willing to put everything else he wants aside again, and simply focus on rebuilding the marriage. The problem here is that I'm psychologically...
  19. Matilda

    Word Association Game!

    snake
  20. Matilda

    I don't want to be here...

    Thank you for your reply and for the 'topical' poem. I find I relate very readily to it, and that troubles me on one level and comforts me on another...I think seeing it writing, phrased like that, is like seeing it through a lens that focuses the image more for me. I have a lot of thinking...
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