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That's really how I was feeling when I started this thread this morning. But she seems to be letting me in on things as she comes to realize them. The timing sucks - and I'm not convinced that there isn't a destructive impulse there unrelated to poly, or open relationships, or whatever- but I...

It's funny that people are offended about that line. I thought it was a proven fact that most people do this more or less constantly. I could be wrong. I was pointing out the history of cheating, and I why I had effectively written it off as insignificant. Also, I was wondering if it's...

So now, she is saying vehemently that this is innate, it isn't going away. At the same time, she is saying she will give it up for me. Isn't that a contradiction? Is there any basis for trusting this situation? Wouldn't I just be her oppressor?

Not really, with leases, and jobs and such. I can't just tell my new boss, hey, the love of my life wants to sleep with other people, so I might be in in a month or so. Or not. I feel like I'm walking into a giant trap.

Here's a comment a found from an interview with Dossie Easton, coauthor of The Ethical Slut: "I don’t tend to believe that it’s something innate in the individual. I think that people have choices and that many of the polyamorous choices are really valid choices. I think when people say, well...

DazedNconfused, Yes, that is possible. I do feel we can get past the trust thing. But I need to make a decision about the direction my life will take TODAY, and the basic question seems to be, is polyamory a philosophy and a choice, or an innate orientation that will never change?

I don't think it's nymphomania, it's human nature. People think about sex a lot. She doesn't have someone in mind, she says. So my question is, is polyamory an immutable sexual orientation, or is it a choice?

Hello, I'm completely new to this forum, but since it seems to be populated with some thoughtful people, and I am suddenly in way over my head, I thought I'd try for some advice. So, long story short: My ex-girlfriend, with whom I lived for 3 years - until one year ago - and I have recently...