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It's been a while since I've visited this topic. While I do have more to say, I haven't the time to give it the attention it needs. I do feel that some of my perspective does have merit, and I would like to continue the discussion, but since I can't right now, I'll cede my point as being in...

I've posted part of our story on the forum a while ago. I've created a blog to work through the details, if anyone is interested. http://unwittinglypoly.blogspot.com

AnnabelMore, thank you so much for your thoughtful comments--EXACTLY the type of dialogue I was looking for. It may take me a little bit to digest everything you (and others) have said, process it and come up with a reply that does justice to your words. Add the fact that I'm in a bit of a...

A great many people get into monogamous relationships because they have an insecurity-based need to be someone's "one and only", and any other scenario sets them sideways. Most people get into poly relationships because they want to commit long-term to loving partnerships (and many times live...

Dang, and just after you were starting to make it interesting.

ray, I'm not arguing that some number of monogamous people aren't overly jealous. I also don't think monogamy is an invalid choice. I DO think that attitudes based on things such as jealousy, insecurity and fear ARE inferior to attitudes based on those things not existing--by definition, because...

opalescent, thank you for your reply. I did eyeball a few threads (there are few with the mono vs. poly tag). And the fact that they aren't framed exactly as I framed it is why I started a new thread. If everyone would like, I will gladly move the discussion to an already-existing thread. While...

Wow, I didn't think a preemptive explanation--which I'm pretty sure I would have had to give at some point, based on every sincere, in-depth discussion I've ever had on every forum on which I've been--would be seen as me-me-me. I was under the mistaken impression that letting people know where...

Would you say you think you are the rule in monogamous relationships? The fact that you seem to no longer consider yourself monogamous, and are on a polyamory forum tend to indicate that you may not be. And I completely agree with everything you said about promiscuity. I absolutely understand...

Interesting. This is exactly the same type of response I got time and time again on religious forums, as I was going through the process of trying to determine whether my life-long faith actually had merit or was ill-placed. If I'm in the wrong place to be having a discussion where the first few...

Liking or disliking a premise has nothing to do with whether it's logically sound, nor does a premise's implications (pathology in this case). Were it not for the fact that mono is almost exclusively reserved for a specific type of relationship (intimate), I wouldn't see it as something on the...

Thanks for responding AnnabelMore. Maybe I muddied the waters more than I should have--sorry, I'm trying to work through all of this in my head. I'm specifically talking about the emotional need for monogamy, and your points, even the religion angle, speak to other-than-emotional needs for...

I actually agree with you, from an historical standpoint. I would argue that all of that is a mask for jealousy, fear and insecurity. As women came to be more equals, rather than demanding that they not be owned, they instead went down the path of "well, then I own you too." Again, based on...

I need to preface my main point with a note about the discussion style I'm going to use on this subject. Otherwise, I will likely be seen as bullheaded and agrumentative :) This is one of those things where I have an idea in my head, I've rolled it around and around and need to fully vet it and...

OldGuy, I do see what you're saying. If a relationship is healthy, it's healthy. However, I would argue that most monogamous relationships, even healthy ones, are founded on a mutual, generally unspoken understanding that jealousy, insecurity, etc. are in fact there. In healthy relationships...

Aside from what everyone else has noted, I think a part of it may also be the fact that, when things are boiled down to the least common denominator, monogamy in general--not always, but I can argue for the vast majority of cases--is rooted in fear, jealousy, insecurity and other unhealthy...

From what my pro-astrology girlfriend says, all info indicates that Virgo (her) and Gemini (me) are almost entirely incompatible. If that's the case, astrology holds less than zero credibility with me :)

Great perspective hyperskeptic, thank you. The main reason we're not sure where things will end up is because we're both being honest about where we are, what we have and don't have, and what we want and don't want, without demanding the other person be all of that. The realization of how things...

Thanks for the words AnnabelMore. The way I originally worded it probably gave an inaccurate picture. None of us were necessarily looking to move things to life partner status--it was more subtle things like just going out on separate dates every once in a while, etc. At one point near the end...

Hello everyone, I'm new to the forum and new to poly. I'm not sure anyone can give me much advice, I'm just trying to get my thoughts down so I can work through things. Long background story short: My wife and I met at 16, married at 20, have been married for 21 years. Grew up fundamentalist...