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I think that is true. The fact that he is male makes the situation more uncomfortable for me. In other words, if it were one of her female friends taking her camping, going to concerts (and I was not allowed to go along), I'd feel less bitter about it. The fact of the matter is, I certainly...

ChloeJane, I really appreciate you sharing the personal boundaries that worked for you and your partner. Seeing real world examples really helps me understand how the underlying logistics work with this type of relationship. Kind of rubber meets the road, so to speak. I actually love going...

People knowing is actually the least of my concern. I think right now I'm processing so much emotion, that dealing with this one additional sort of minor detail just doesn't seem productive. Eventually I can probably shed this rule, but I guess it's my way of just not dealing with it right now...

Thank you, Rory. Your questions are absolutely enlightening. You really touched on things I hadn't thought about much. I do think the boundaries will have to be set by both of us, not just me insisting on my needs. I will try to figure out what GF truly thinks of them to minimize violation...

I wanted to quickly update the latest development. I have finally agreed to allow GF to see him, and spend the night this upcoming weekend. It was a significant step forward for me. I'm not exactly thrilled about this decision, but it's a decent compromise, since GF won't be seeing him for the...

I'm incredibly thankful for all the replies. The reaffirmation that my feelings are not completely out of whack is really helping me dig deeper to figure out what my desires are and how to set boundaries to make sure they are met. ChloeJane, thank you for sharing your examples of what worked...

Work schedules don't allow too much room beyond weekends right now. He lives about 30 minutes away, so it's certainly not too far for a day trip. She derives a lot of pleasure from waking up with him and enjoying the mornings, etc. I want to give that to her, but at the same time, I'm...

AnnabelMore, you really raise some great questions. Reading her email is a horrible thing. I hate invading her privacy and want to trust her fully. The desire for verification of honesty is very strong, but I do realize the need to have that leap of faith again. I met Tosh once a long time...

Thank you Nighthorse, that was really great advice, especially the communication bit. I have to admit, invading her privacy was a major violation on my part. The initial "stumbling across" was literally stumbling across a text on her phone while I was making a call, but the subsequent snooping...

Tally makes me feel better, if poly veterans still finds this concept difficult, I do t need as "lacking" in this quality.

I'm trying to understand this as well. It seems to me, on the surface, compersion is an ideal situation to eliminate jealousy. I have hard time getting the underlying mechanic on how exactly one gets themselves to this place to see other happy while feeling like something has been taken away...

Through a GF's affair, I'm learning about Poly. Don't know which way I swing yet, trying to discover who I really am. Really looking forward to this friendly forum.

First post, so definitely a newbie, both to the poly scene and this forum. I'll give a quick Cliff Notes version of my gf and my history. Feel free to jump to the question below. Sorry in advance for the long post. Background: Basically, I was dating my girlfriend of 10 years (we broke up...